My Life As a Pastor's Wife

Not To Be Outdone

2011-12-21T13:27:00.000-06:00

My little man and bud is hitting a major growth spurt. He received some cash from a sweet couple as a Christmas gift this week and he asked me to pick him up something to wear for Sunday. Good man! He's outgrown his black dress shoes, too. So we decided to get some khakis and a sweater (yep, his choice) that would match a pair of brown Columbia boots he has. So, being a frugal shopper, I knew I could always count on Target for some classic dress clothes for boys at reasonable prices (JCPenney's is the pits. We've decided we're done with them after last night's fiasco. I'd rather my children not dress as street thugs or hookers or that I not spend that amount of money on less than quality clothes. Grrr. I was just so disappointed in what used to be one of our favorite stores.). Anyway, gulp, I had to move out of the little boys' department at Target yesterday and head on over to the men's department. I was a little sad to say the least. I'm just so not ready for all these transitions. I'm just not.

18 to 18

2011-12-21T12:39:00.000-06:00

Today's date may have no special significance, but it has hit me like a ton of bricks. In eighteen very short months from today my girl will be 18. It takes my breath away and I find myself gasping in panic. Is that all the time I have left? I get frustrated and anxious. Surely somebody somewhere has made a mistake and the years really haven't flown this fast. Seriously, I must have miscalculated. We just brought her home from the hospital all teensy and wrinkled and scrappy. That tiny little creature hasn't really sprouted into that long-legged gorgeous thing that towers over me, has she?
We spent the entire day with each other yesterday Christmas shopping and I wondered how many more of these days will I get, where she's just all mine? Already we compete with the demands of her social calendar and school and work. With time that competition will only grow more fierce.

I've sent myself into a tailspin of worry and fret. Have I used our time wisely? Have I prepared her adequately for what's ahead? Is 18 months enough time to accomplish all that needs to be done? Have I loved her enough? Are all our squabbles and tense moments outweighed by the joy? Oh, my goodness, I am one mess.

I do know what the next 18 months will hold. Be forewarned. I will be extremely selfish with our time. I won't share easily and neither will her Daddy. We plan on making the most of these months. I want to savor this time - to savor our shopping days together, the mornings where her Daddy tackles her to wake her up, and the days of constant taunting and aggravating from a brother who adores her. We're also going to be emptying her cedar chest in the next week or so and turning it into a hope chest of sorts. Not a hope chest of the old-fashioned terms, but one of hope for her future. We'll begin to slowly fill it with all manner of things that will equip her for life on her own. It's something I plan on doing on my own a little at a time as a means of knowing I've given little bird her wings and prepared her to soar.

The next 18 months will also find me on my knees a whole lot more. God has so richly blessed her already and I will continue seeking Him as we finish raising her. I'll also be seeking the advice of those of you who've already gone through this (Ann) as how to gracefully let her go.

Weeping Endures Only For A Night

2011-10-12T06:36:00.000-05:00

Psalm 30:5 reminds us that this season of sorrow is temporary because joy is on its way. It's been a rough last few days to say the least, but dawn has broke. We are still in much prayer over loved ones and their physical ailments and other situations beyond our grasp of control. Last night, however, we went to bed rejoicing because someone we love very much received healing. He still suffers from this inoperable brain tumor, but now he has a personal relationship with his Creator. If the Lord chooses not to heal him physically we are overjoyed that he can now face death with hope. A hope that it isn't really death at all.

And, then, I'm going to drop this teaser (as cruel as it may be). Kimberly, I read your post on Facebook about your struggles to turn off your mind to fall asleep. Oh. My. Goodness. My mind was like a runaway racehorse last night as I lay praying and imagining and preparing. Johnmark attended the association's annual meeting last night in Seagrove. He came home with some information last night that may open the door to something we've both been praying about. This opportunity may very well be exactly the answer we've been seeking. But, I don't want to get ahead of myself. We are still seeking God's will in this. We've still got lots of preliminary stuff to go through. It's something that's been on my heart for a while now and I'm emotional and overwhelmed and excited that, although the door hasn't swung wide open yet, I've at least been allowed a peek inside. I will share as much as I can as soon as I can, don't worry. Until then, pray that we are following God's will and not our own and that if He chooses to deny us this that I can handle the disappointment.

The Sweetest Days

2011-10-11T18:48:00.000-05:00

The sweetest days are oft the darkest. They are the most frightening and dreadful and overwhelming. They are the days when self-reliance no longer works. The sweetest days are the most humbling. There is no where else to turn, but to Jesus. The sweetest days find me "wholly leaning on His sweet name." You cry out for mercy, for patience, for forgiveness. You plead on behalf of loved ones. You praise Him because He has carried you through other days of darkness and you ask Him to do it again. When words fail you curl up in the comfort of His presence. I have no Enemy, save one and he wields no power over me. Not death. Not sickness. Not despair. Not conflict. Not insecurity. Not anxiety. Not stress. My Lord conquered them all a long time ago.The sweetest days are full of His glory as He brings comfort and healing to the broken.

Heavy Hearted

2011-10-10T15:24:00.000-05:00

When the written word is a source of comfort it also becomes a place of refuge and outpouring. I haven't posted in such a long time and am only doing so today because if I don't I'm afraid I'll implode. I am beyond weary. The last few weeks have been overwhelming. The spiritual attacks are without cease. Personal issues and concerns way heavy. We are waiting anxiously for Mama's test results and appointments with Shands or Mayo with the optimal outcome being God's blessing of a complete physical healing from this mystery that is assaulting her body. Within the last few minutes we received news that a dear family friend has an inoperable brain tumor. Physical healing for him would be a blessing; my biggest concern is for him to know Christ personally and to receive spiritual healing. My goodness how I love him and his wife and family and my heart is just breaking. This morning I came under the worst, petty personal attack I think I've ever faced and it was full of cowardice. Oh, my, if that person(s), only understood the half of it they would understand that my actions were the best for all involved until healing can begin. I'm staring down the barrel of two mid-terms by 11 pm tonight and I'm just not prepared.
I know so much of this is laced with mystery because I can't be specific about it all. Not now. And, I'm not sure that much of this is understandable. I'm not sure what I'm even typing. I'm just a puddle of tears. How thankful I am for my Savior today. I'm clinging to Him and my husband and my children. They are so good to me when I'm down. Please pray for us. The battle is far from over.

Trusting Him With What's Mine

2011-09-02T13:16:00.000-05:00

This morning was one of those crazy examples of what lengths us crazy mamas will go to for our children. 4:30 am was way too early to be awake let alone out of bed and starting the day. Rebeka was meeting her "little sister" at Waffle House to treat her to breakfast before dressing her up and torturing her for Anchor Club initiation.

(If you're curious Beka came up with a costume as a tribute to her new infatuation, Swamp People. Thanks to Dollar Tree and our creativity it turned out way too cute. The get-up consists of a gator hat, frogs and bugs for the hair, a green t-shirt with "Queen of the Swamp" on the front and "Choot 'Em" on the back with cattails and green flowers hot glued on, an anchor necklace with more frogs and a gator, a black mesh skirt/wrap with more frogs and swampy flowers, and to complete it we borrowed Johnmark's black rubber boots and hot-glued more cattails and swamp/green flowers all over them. Oh, yeah, and then there's green eye-shadow and camouflage paint for all exposed body parts. The poor girl has to wear it all day, be ordered around by Anchor girls, do a dance in front of the school during drop off, and participate in
the pep rally.)

But let's back-up. The initiation isn't what this is all about. It's trusting God with what's mine (and, yes, I do realize it's all really His).

When we pulled into the Waffle House the parking lot was full with Anchor girls and Key boys and it was standing room only on the inside. No adults. Just the kids. Rebeka was so excited and so were the rest of the hoard. My mama instincts kicked into overdrive and I started spouting orders and advice - "y'all might want to get breakfast somewhere else, don't be late, be in Mrs. Ealum's room by 6:30, stop at the Tom Thumb and grab something if you have to, have you got money, enough for both of you, tip, be careful..." As she was gathering her stuff and attempting to listen, she stopped what she was doing and interrupted me with, "Mama, I love you." It was in the softest tone and translated really meant, "please stop. I'm going to be okay."

So I left her there in the dark surrounded by her friends and peers and began praying instantly that the Lord would keep them all safe, especially mine. And, instantly, He whispered, "Beloved, she is Mine." Oh, she is, and I am so thankful. I just want her protected always. Always.

I was so tempted to hide in another parking lot and be the creepy, lurking Mama, but this morning was an exercise in letting go (only a little at a time). Besides, I had to get home and take care of the boy.

All day I've been so tempted to call her and check on her. I want to hear about her morning and her day. But I'll have to wait. She's working after school today and I'm going out to dinner with some friends as soon as she's home and can stay with Aaron. The sun comes out tomorrow though as we've planned to go shopping so I can get some new work clothes (Mama's getting a new pair of shoes. WooHoo). I'm selfishly anticipating it because it will be just the two of us and she'll be all mine. Okay, mine and the Lord's. Well, okay, she belongs to Jesus, but He has let me be her Mama and that's enough.

And, Ann Basey, I know once you read this, I'll be getting an email from you. This Mama stuff is hard work.

Rejection

2011-09-01T18:07:00.000-05:00

The job search has been hot and heavy since about May. Obviously it has not been successful. I got the rare opportunity to sit and chat with another PW last night all by ourselves (she is so very sweet and a blessing). She's been having some of the same troubles. It's been painful for both of us. She's originally from the north Lakeland area so we have certain demographics in common. What we have both discovered in this new area that God has called us to is this....
1. It really does matter who you know (and we know no one)
2. The jobs here are scarce (unless you want to drive to the beach everyday and pay the toll to cross the bay and by the time you do all that you've made $0.00 or gone in the hole with these exorbitant gas prices)
3. Hardee County and Polk County pay a whole lot more
4. Because we both need a little flexibility due to our hubbies' schedules and our children, our choices are even narrower

I am thankful to report that we are both now employed. Hers is a little more steady than mine. She is appalled at the pay because it's in the same field she's been in for over 10 years and she's starting over at base pay. That stings.

After weeks of rejection letters with statements like "thank you for applying, but we've decided to fill the position internally" or "while you are more than qualified for this position we have chosen another candidate" or hearing nothing at all. Rejection sucks. I've never experienced it like this before. All my other jobs came through people I know. So I've never really had to go on a job hunt like this one and it's been a whole new learning experience.

So last week I bit the bullet and scraped up the funds and went and applied to be a substitute teacher. I had to pay the hospital nearly $40 for a drug test and then I had to pay the school board $75 for my fingerprinting and criminal background check. That is a whole lot of money going out at once when you are not employed! In today's mail I received my i.d. card (human resources had me go ahead and take the picture and set it up when I came in for the fingerprinting) and my sub packet! I am, unbelievably, excited about it. The only sad thing is that I've already missed one call. This morning (I didn't yet know I had been approved) I ignored the phone figuring it was telemarketers because it was their usual time to call. It wasn't. Instead it was one of the elementary schools and when I called back it was too late. :(

So I'm employed (sort of. I guess it's not official until I actually spend a day in the classroom). And, I'm thankful.

Be Careful What You Ask For....

2011-08-29T13:22:00.000-05:00

....because you just might get it!

For a long time I've been telling Johnmark that I wanted to step down from teaching my GA girls. With a new church year starting he's been asking around for a replacement and no one was really interested. So I just resigned myself to the fact that I would teach them one more year and pray someone would step up. Then we both thought of one lady to ask who would be just perfect and she seemed a little reluctant, but said she'd get back with him. We never really heard from her so, no biggie, I'd stick it out. Last night Johnmark came home from church and told me she'd agreed to take them on. Y'all it felt like a punch to the gut! My girls! My initial reaction wasn't what I expected. I realized I was losing something so precious. But deep down inside this is really for the best because my heart has just not been in it. And, I reminded myself of her enthusiasm and that the girls would respond to her in ways they never did with me. So this morning I woke up excited for her, for them, and for me. She gets to serve and use her gifts; my girls get someone new with a load of enthusiasm; and I get to go sit in prayer meeting (anyone want to guess how many years it has been since I have sat in prayer meeting? Bro. Ed was pastor at Fort Green and there were only about 10 of us coming on Wednesday nights. He and Johnmark decided to start Wednesday night programs and then supper, and you guessed it, I was one of the first Wednesday night teachers. It's been that long ago!)

So I got what I've been asking for....and it's going to take some time to adjust, I'll be honest. They'll still be my girls, but my relationship with them will be different and will be more of the intentional sort. I can still ask them how they are and remind them I'm praying for them. And, that's what adults in the church should be doing - getting involved with those around them including the children. I am so not a fan of age group exclusiveness. On that note, being involved in Wednesday night prayer meeting and bible study will help me get involved with those adults I normally don't interact with. It's an exciting upcoming church year!

Weekend of Grace

2011-08-27T09:32:00.000-05:00

We're heading over to BCF to have lunch with another couple we met on the Baltimore mission trip today. Baltimore weighs heavy on my mind this morning with this impending storm bearing down on them. Y'all were so good to pray for us and them in preparation for and during the trip. I'm asking you again to pray for Grace Place and Baltimore. We met some awesome people while we were there and my heart is with them, especially this weekend. They have cancelled Sunday services at Grace Place and its main campus, North Arundel Church. Irene has them a little anxious and rightfully so. May God's grace and favor be upon them this weekend.

Lightly Toasted, Hold the Pickles, No Mayo, Please, and Thank You

2011-08-26T13:43:00.000-05:00

I confessed to JM one of my secret pleasures this week. Although I despise crawling out of bed at 5:30 am, I love what I get to do - take care of my family. And, they love it too. It feels like a day's work by the time I get them out the door.
None of them are big breakfast eaters (woohoo), but they all want a little something in their tummies. So I usually find myself making 3 different breakfasts and serving them in 3 different spots. Aaron has his set on the stove (not really sure why, but that's where he goes to find his pig mug full of chocolate milk); Rebeka's is delivered to her room so she can eat while dressing and hair styling, and make-up applying; and then after I've shuffled them out the door Johnmark gets his Cream of Wheat in the den while he snatches a few minutes of news before dashing out the door to wherever he may be going that day (no, he does not get up at 5:30 with the rest of us).

Side Note on Beka: whether she's having orange juice or chocolate milk, I serve it to her in this funky little mug that my Granny bought because she thinks I didn't have enough coffee cups. It shows this weird little woman with a retro background and the caption "World's Greatest Mom." Rebeka usually says, "There's that jank cup again." And, I reply, "Just reminding you who I am." To that I get a pat on the head with a "thank you, Mama. Love you."

Then there's Beka's lunch, Aaron's gatorade for after PE, and making sure JM has everything he needs for the day.

Laundry has almost the same routine. I have to know what to hang up and what to fold; a certain someone wants their underwear folded a certain way; certain items must only be hand-washed or put through the gentle cycle; some things never go in the dryer; etc, etc. So, no, I do not like help with the laundry unless it's from Beka or Aaron who know the drill.

Sounds like a spoiled group, doesn't it? Yep, we are. But before you go thinking we're rotten here's what I don't do. I don't put their clothes away. Once they're folded or on hangers I place them on their bed waiting for them. I don't iron. Nope, not even for Johnmark. I don't clean the children's bedrooms, but I do monitor them and they have to pick them up at least once a week. I don't clean their bathroom, they do, and, again, it's about once a week. They put the groceries away. I cook supper, but they set the table and wash the supper dishes (I wash while I cook and then they do the rest).

I do what I do because it's one of the ways to love on them and care for them and to make them feel loved and cared for. And, because I'm a control freak and want things done certain ways (even this morning after spending most of the night in the bathroom and then waking with a nauseated headache, I still got up and went through the routine because I wanted their morning to run smoothly. I did go back to bed afterwards.).

Final note: JM does his share and has been known to wash a dish or two when I've been sick or the kids have been slammed with homework. He even got into the little homemaker mode one afternoon this week. He just happened to be home when Aaron got off the bus and hurried to meet Aaron at the door with cookies and milk. Yes, we all about wet ourselves laughing hysterically at his attempt at domestication.

Our life isn't glamorous, but we love it and it just works for us.

Clueless in Communication

2011-08-25T17:13:00.000-05:00

Meg was Sleepless in Seattle and, me, well, I'm utterly clueless in communication.

Most people assume that the pastor's wife knows everything that's going on. Well, this one doesn't. I can't even begin to tell you how many times I've given the deer-in-the-headlights stare or simply had to say, "I'm sorry, but I'm not sure what you're talking about."

There's just that common misperception that I'm in the loop on everything concerning my pastor hubby. Just because we share the same bed, doesn't mean we share every aspect of each other's lives. Why, you may ask? Here's a few reasons:

He doesn't share everything with me to protect me
Some of it just is not my business
Other things just aren't important enough to discuss
He forgets
We do have a life outside the church and sometimes church business is strictly off topic so we can enjoy that life
I'm only at the church on Sundays and Wednesdays just like most everyone else. In the past I was there more because of internet access. Now we have it at home and he is proficient enough to do most of his business on his own now while at the office. I only come in on Wednesday afternoons and play "secretary" that day.
I don't go to Tuesday morning prayer meetings anymore and I haven't since mid-summer. So, no, I didn't know your aunt was sick.
On Wednesday nights I'm with my GA girls and if you asked for prayer for your upcoming surgery, I didn't know, and he may have forgotten to tell me. Sorry.
I don't know all the juicy details and if I did I wouldn't share them. Sometimes I am a part of ministering/counseling and others he just asks me to sit in another room. It protects him, me, and the other party.
He knows that if I knew everything that was said, planned, instituted, discussed, I would be less pleasant than I am now.

It seems I've landed in some hot water this week. I made a comment that was purely about me and my situation and it was taken out of context and applied to someone else and their situation. I didn't even know about their situation until later that night. When I did find out I was floored and shocked. So, now I've been equated to the Enemy, the Devil, Satan. Mercy. I admit the timing was bad. But the comment I made was about me and only me. Clueless I was and clueless I remain.

Rebuild

2011-08-24T12:39:00.000-05:00

Trying to get my little duckies in a row and searching through and gathering documents, I came across a picture of myself from just a few years ago. My first thought was, "man, I miss that girl!" She looked like she knew who she was and where she was going. Her older version, not so much. I've felt a little lost here lately. So, today's word is "rebuild." I guess even more accurately it could be reclaim. I want that person back. I want to reclaim my confidence, my calling, my purpose, my person. It's time to rebuild me. So, let the construction begin.

Resigned

2011-08-23T18:09:00.000-05:00

re·sign (r-zn)
v. re·signed, re·sign·ing, re·signs
v.tr.
1. To submit (oneself) passively; accept as inevitable
2. To give up (a position, for example), especially by formal notification.
3. To relinquish (a privilege, right, or claim). See Synonyms at relinquish.

For all intents and purposes we're dealing with definiton numero uno. I love the "to submit" part of the definition, but unlike the definition mine is active and not passive. I have had to resign myself to the very known fact that I am not in control. God is. I have had to submit to His authority and sovereignty.

Friday of last week was one miserable day for me. Yet another door closed that I had so anticipated being open. Certain areas of concern just were not changing. Things, simply, were not going my way....and that's really it in a nutshell. My way was being a huge stumbling block for me. It was leading to disobedience and ungratefulness and a failure to believe Romans 8:28.

But God only lets us wallow in our own mess for so long. Through a couple of daily devotions/blogs I follow He has spoken volumes to me. He's reminded me of His goodness and faithfulness. He's reminded me of His blessings. He's reminded me that our home is ours and so are our vehicles; that although we shop on a budget and have to clip coupons, there is a bounty of food in this house and on our table; while doing laundry He showed me that my children have all they need plus a surplus in the way of clothes; our bills are always paid; we have unity and harmony and love among the four of us; we've been given an awesome church family to minister to; we can both be in school full-time and I am almost finished with this leg; even though this job search has been stressful, I am in a position to be choosy; I've been given the opportunity to be available to my family whenver they need me; while one relationship has withered before it even began to grow, other friends have entered our lives and we get to spend the day with them in Graceville Saturday; He loved me enough to die for me; He desires a relationship with me; this life is only temporary; and the list could go on and on.

Resigned is such an emotional word for me this week and one that just keeps repeating itself to me. It speaks of submission and trust and even hope. It will be an active word. The definition itself is one that I will have to repeat often. Resigned is an epiphany for me.

Since I really feel like I'm just muttering here, I urge you to read Psalm 37 and check out Revive our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and Proverbs 31 Ministries. They say it far better than me.

People of Wal-mart

2011-08-17T13:02:00.000-05:00

No, this post will not be about that absurdly hilarious website, but it is people and Wal-mart related.

Rebeka, Caroline, and I just happened to be in that discount giant over the weekend. I had some grocery shopping to do and the girls, well, they had some hanging out/goofing off to do. Between the three of us we did happen to see some individuals worthy of having their pictures posted on the website (I just shake my head and wonder what goes through their mind as they're getting dressed and ready to head to the store. Oh, my.)

But I digress. While I was shopping and couponing and sticking to my list, I saw someone we knew and thought highly of. When this individual rounded the corner and recognized me they quickly whirled their cart around and left the aisle I was on, but not before I saw the contents of their cart. My heart plummeted and my super critical spirit kicked in.

Then I felt this little nudge from the Holy Spirit. The contents of this person's cart were on display for all to see. What if the contents of my thoughts and attitude and heart were on public display as well? Would others be appalled and disappointed at what they see? Some of us display our sins openly and others hide them away in our innermost being. It was one of those speck and log moments. Conviction on the cereal aisle at Wal-mart. Who knew?

Sick of It All

2011-08-15T10:35:00.000-05:00

Today, I am...

sick of being sick (physically)
so tired of this ongoing situation. Sick of remaining silent (yet, I feel that this is still what God would have me do). Sick of being the "bad guy" and being painted as such.
really sick of the misinformed. One person went so far as to ask one of my children if they thought for themselves in reference to this situation. Seriously? (I love it when adults can't confront me, but go after my children.)
so very, very tired of the jabs on Facebook (and even if I don't read it, others who think they are doing the right thing bring it to my attention. Because, yes, even though names aren't mentioned, it is that obvious)
weary of the other parties need to gather forces and cause divisiveness. Rallying troops? I left middle school too many years ago to count
exhausted with the emotional and spiritual toll this is taking on me, my spouse, and the children

Today, I am also...

thankful for God's faithfulness
confident He has a plan for this
remaining silent (except for here) because this is what I feel God is having me do and I am learning to trust Him more. He is my defender.
even though this is hard and hurtful my children are learning to laugh about it and love through it
praying for change and it's no longer one of location, but of hearts and lives (including my own)
learning to be patient and knowing that I may never see the outcome or resolution because it may be years away and that's okay. God is in control and I am not.

Official Mail

2011-07-27T13:38:00.000-05:00

I'm going to do some bragging on my girl, so if you're not interested, leave now. :)

In today's mail she received an official looking document that piqued all our curiosities. It was from Senator Don Gaetz and I've retyped it below (because at this point that's just quicker than trying to upload a picture)

"Dear Rebeka:
    As I was going through the resulst of the Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test, it was impossible to miss your outstanding results. I was so impressed that I wanted to write you, personally, to let you know how proud I am of you.
    Your scores in reading and writing stood out brilliantly. Your performance is among the highest, not just at Walton High School, not just in Walton County, but in the entire State of Florida.
    You have extraordinary gifts. These results define you as one of only a few highly select scholars who can reach for almost anything and accomplish it. By combining your remarkable potential with persistent hard work, there are few limits to what you can achieve in school or in life. Doors will open for you to earn important awards and recognition and, ultimately, scholarships and admission to our state's and our country's leading universities and colleges.
    I hope you'll push to the very limits of your exceptional academic ability and seize the opportunities that clearly can be yours. I also hope you'll take a moment to thank your family and your teachers for their support, for the loving nudges they provide, and the values you stand for because of them.
    As senator for Northwest Florida, I'll be keeping track of your progress. Please let me know if ever I can be assistance to you or your family as you go forward with your education. Again, my warmest congratulations and best wishes for a great summer.

With respect and admiration,
Senator Don Gaetz"

For a girl who sincerely struggles with believing she is smart, this was a joy for her to receive this letter and to actually start to believe she is, as I've always told her, brilliant!

Baltimore Beginnings

2011-07-27T11:48:00.000-05:00

While I don't necessarily agree with this statement, it does now hold its own place in my heart.

Let's just start from the beginning. I did not want to go. There were several factors - church strife, finances, not being in control, being grouped with people I didn't know, and fear. Johnmark had been wanting to do a mission trip for a long time. And, I did, too, just not this one. I just never told him that or anyone else. I just didn't go to some of the initial planning meetings and I just nipped most conversations in the bud. Midway through all the planning he started to suspect something. So one afternoon sitting at our little table in the living room I burst into tears and blurted out everything. This happened just before he was to leave for another meeting. He sensed my concerns were very real and not just stubborness. We talked it over. Dried my tears. Loaded the kids up and away we all went to the meeting. There was one stipulation, though. If, after this meeting, I still felt that we shouldn't go, then we wouldn't. Well, I think you can draw your own conclusions.

My concerns didn't miraculously evaporate after that meeting. They were very much still there. God just began handling them for me in a very real way. One of the most obvious was in the finances. Money is a major stressor for me. We had just purchased the motorcycle, which wiped us out, and we still had to pay for the motorcycle course, two major birthdays, and a trip south with gas being near $4.00 a gallon. I just could not figure out how we were going to scrape it all together from Johnmark's very slim and laughable income. We were now about two weeks away from the money for the trip being due. I had no clue where it was going to come from, but I had this sense of peace that God would provide.

One Friday afternoon I had just walked in the door and sat on the side of the bed when the phone rang. The voice on the other end was one I had not heard in quite a while. It belonged to my former boss. That call blessed me in more than one way. First, I used to work on salary plus commission. He called to tell me that he came across some accounts of mine that had finally paid their bills and he owed me some money. In fact, he had owed it to me for quite some time, but had set it aside. He apologized profusely. He told me how much it was and then proceeded to tell me that because he had delayed in sending it he was adding a little extra to it. Get ready....it was to the penny the exact amount I needed for our trip!!! God is so good! Secondly, I had been feeling pretty beat up about myself and was taking a major beating to my self-esteem. I was feeling persona non grata around church, wasn't feeling very useful around home, and my job search was the pits (it still is). Anyway, I just really needed to hear from him that day. He asked my opinion on some things he was pondering, asked if I was working at another paper yet, reminded me that I could run one if I so chose, and said they were awaiting my return with open arms if God so chose to move us back that way. It was such an awesome egotistical moment for me. I think God knew I needed that, too.

Back to Baltimore....

Jerry Newman, deacon at First Baptist of Esto (a little community about 30 minutes east of us)

Our group of 52 was housed at Valley Baptist Church in the Towson community of Baltimore. We were given their preschool wing for our air mattresses and their gym for our central meeting area and showering. I had to deal real fast with some uncomfortable issues of being with people I didn't know because we were sleeping, eating, and showering with them for an entire week. Their was little room for privacy. Bro. Jerry and his wife Karen, along with an elderly couple who had only been married 10 months were our roommates. Each night we gathered at 8:30 for a time of worship and sharing. Bro. Jerry was the week's first speaker. His topic? Fear. He hit on every single thing I had stressed over concerning the trip. Tears just streamed down my face as the Lord dealt with my heart through the message He had given Jerry. I had the frame of mind to snap a picture, because I knew this was a special moment and one that would be key to the rest of the week.

There is so much to share. I think you realize this from the length of this post. I had to deal with so much about myself before, during, and after this trip. It was good for me. Speaking to our congregation last week just unleashed something for me. It took away a lot of fears and insecurities and helped me to realize that others need to hear our God stories. The emails and FaceBook messages and phone calls that came afterwards confirmed that. It is through our stories that seeds are planted and healing can begin.

The 'sitch

2011-07-18T08:32:00.000-05:00

So, here's the situation, the dealio, the goods, the down low....
I have tons to say about our mission trip. I could not have done it without those of you who bathed us and our team and the trip in prayer. Our God answered you in a big way.
BUT...
we crashed Saturday, church yesterday, VBS prep yesterday, all kinds of pump/well trouble that still isn't remedied, and we're headed out to do some work/prayer walking for VBS now. I won't see the house again until around 10 tonight. And, who knows how the rest of the week will play out. So, please be patient, the blog is coming because I have so much I want to share. In fact, I've been babbling so much that Johnmark asked me to speak about it yesterday in church. Of course, I said no at first, but then I left my senses for a bit and agreed. Yep, me, little miss introvert/wallflower, please don't acknowledge me, got up and spoke. He also asked me to give my testimony, and I did. I thought I was going to pass out or at least throw up, but I didn't. I just kept asking God to be with me and give me the words to speak so that He would be glorified. I can't tell you how it went, but I cried and so did some of the congregation. It was good for me. Confession - I kind of really liked it. It made me feel more bold in my faith and sharing Jesus. Rebeka spoke before me for about 5 minutes and that girl just blew me away in how God is dealing with her heart (did I mention it's kind of rebellious like her mother's?). Once, I found a groove of some sorts, I just kept going and going and the nervousness went away. Poor preacher was left with only a few minutes left in the service, but he said that was okay. He was happy to see "joy unspeakable" flowing from his family's lips.

The Thrills of Thirteen

2011-07-08T08:58:00.000-05:00

No little kids in our household anymore. Nope. We're overrun with teenagers. Two to be exact. Our little man celebrated this rite of passage yesterday. No party. No friends. Just a dinner at Longhorn's. It's what he asked for. He made the guest list - mama, daddy, big sis. He chose the menu - tonions, 8 oz. renegade, salad with ranch dressing, loaded baked potato, dessert sampler. He's been going over it with me for the last two weeks. He thoroughly enjoyed it. Of course, the wait staff came and sang to him. They even brought him some ice cream with chocolate syrup and whipped cream. He was more impressed that it came in a margarita glass (should I be concerned?). The best part was listening to him genuinely and sincerely tell his Daddy and me "thank you" more than once. His appreciation was immense. It was his night and his meal and he loved it.
What did our birthday boy get? A long coveted Xbox 360, but he got that a couple weeks ago. So he needed something to receive on his birthday. His Daddy got him some more tools (it was the last set that would be American made in a certain brand. Apparently it's a big deal to them and they bonded over it.) His sister gave him some Zombie Blood - energy drink in a pouch. From me? One happy and one angry Sasquatch (Jack Links beef jerky) and a Real Tree energy drink in a cool aluminum orange blaze camouflage bottle. Silly gifts, yes, but he thought they were great. He even bought himself something. With some money he's been saving he purchased a knife he's had his eye on for a while - a Bear Grylls Gerber survival knife. I think he like's it best of all. One, he had some money to treat himself and who doesn't like that? Two, it's just plain cool. Hey, it's Bear Grylls! And, who knows when Aaron might find himself in the wilderness and having to use his knife to dig up some elephant dung and squeeze water out of it to drink in order to live? (Yeah, thought y'all would like that!)

Sweet 16

2011-07-02T14:50:00.000-05:00

Instead of going the sentimental and mushy route, just going to simply do a little recap of our girl's big day. Party theme: pink and green. Party menu: smoked pulled pork, cole slaw, corn on cob, baked beans, rolls, iced down Jones sodas and strawberry Crush Party cake: small chocolate one for the birthday girl. Do-it-yourself cupcake bar for guests. Party games: creative painting on mini easels. (there were some unsupervised moments later that evening that I have now seen the pictures/videos of and I just shake my head) Party outing: after Monday night's barbecue and sleepover Rebeka spent her actual birthday on Tuesday at the beach with all her friends followed by a late, late lunch at McDonald's (oddly her favorite place to eat) Party funny: the cacophony of giggling girls sent Dad and little brother into hiding. I found them holed up playing Xbox and at one point I was ready to join them. Birthday highlight: Rebeka won the birthday doughnuts from 1460 WZEP, a local am station that all the ladies from our church call everyone's birthday in to. It is just the sweetest and most quaint thing, and Beka was that day's winner. (Five sunburned and wet girls ran in to get them on our way home from the beach and devoured most of them as soon as they got back into the car.) Birthday gifts: Gateway netbook and new Verizon phone from which she can now text. To sweeten that deal she's found a couple hot spots in the house where she actually gets enough signal to text. A sweet little pink heart ring just from her Daddy. He took her to lunch while I was getting ready for the party and gave it to her. It's a sort of promise ring which signifies him protecting and being entrusted with her heart until God brings that special young man into her life. From me, the forever id bracelet that Todd gives to Christy in the Christy Miller series of books. It signifies that not only do we love her forever, but more importantly God does, no matter what. And, of course, I gave her the next book in the series. Grandparents kicked in some sweet shopping trips which resulted in shoes, clothes, and jewelry, along with a little money. Friends gifted her with gift cards, personalized Jones soda bottles, scrapbooking supplies, and photo frames. This girl is loved and blessed. There was no car for this sixteen year old, but her day was beyond special nonetheless.

Picture Parade

2011-06-19T12:45:00.000-05:00

From the front porch....my hydrangeas were the prettiest they've been since we've been here. The blue was more vibrant than ever. Finally figured out it was because I had been dumping the woodburning stove ashes near them. Who'd of thunk it?

Mother's Day gift from Rebeka. A Mother's Day tradition since we've moved here. Cracker Barrel after church and Rebeka shops while we wait on our table.

Mother's Day gift from Aaron. He was up extra early that day to run out to the barn to finish this for me. He loves, loves, loves to work in the barn!

Bathing Beauties. Memaw had these pictures hanging in her guest room. Her oldest grandchild on the left and Memaw on the right.

Celebrated 16th and 13th birthdays a tad early with grandparents. Planned on a bakery sheet cake, but I refused to pay $20 for sugared Crisco and put this little concoction together at the last minute.

Blowing out those candles! It still seems a little surreal to state their ages.

Left Fort Green late Friday afternoon with two pooch-lipped babies. So we made a pit stop in Gainesville at the busiest and wildest Best Buy I've ever been in. We did their birthday shopping. In this dark photo Aaron is showing off his wireless controller and his new Xbox 360 game. We had to confess in the store that the Xbox 360 was at home waiting for him.

Surprise! Surprise!
Rebeka knew she was getting a netbook for her birthday. The one we had already picked out had suddenly jumped in price by almost $100. In Gainesville we came across this little Gateway for a whole lot less and were able to throw in a new phone for this girl. She is still walking around with a smile on her face and keeps repeating how exciting it all is!
What she doesn't know is that there are a couple other gifts in store and one will be given to her on a special lunch date with just her Daddy tomorrow.

My third child.
On the way to Fort Green we stopped at a couple motorcycle dealers to check out accessories and drool over potential upgrades. (Yes, I confess, I'm liking it more than I thought, but the bike he has now is not conducive to comfortable riding for two on long trips.) Anyway, this is one of his purchases he will need for winter to keep his face and neck warm under the helmet. He just had to try it out on the way home while driving on the interstate much to the delight of his children.

Red Carpet Roll Out

2011-06-19T11:30:00.000-05:00

Passing through Fort Green one may not pay much attention to the little community or may assume that not much is there. They would be wrong. For us Fort Green marks a place of beginnings and growth and love and friends and family. There, our children feel nestled into a place of security and belonging. Childhood friends still reside there, and, more importantly, so do their grandparents. Blessed were they to be afforded right at two weeks in Fort Green spent with family and friends. They were loved on and their love language was spoken - shopping, swimming, Sponge Bob, Swamp People, working, resting, movies, beach, church, visits, driving Memaw's car and Poppy's Suburban, money, food, cousins, friends, Bass Pro with Papa, birthday cake, gifts, laughter, making memories. The red carpet was rolled out for those two. Their time there was one of restoration and love. They were able to escape the fish bowl for a bit and breathe and to just be themselves. Home they came well rested and ready for the rest of their summer. While it is a sigh of relief to have them back with me, nothing can replace those magical days of Summer 2011 spent in the love and care of grandparents.

Goodness and Mercy

2011-06-06T11:43:00.000-05:00

If you’ve been keeping up with me on this blog or Facebook you know a little more about me than most, and I’m not real sure that is a good thing. I’ve shared about some of the strife I deal with (am dealing with), my own personal pity party, some prayer needs, and our upcoming mission trip. I am ashamed to admit that quitting has been an option I’ve considered and that this life we’ve been called to hasn’t been all that fun lately. I’ll spare you all the gruesome details. I’m also ashamed to admit that I’ve been throwing a spiritual temper tantrum and acting something like a spoiled brat who isn’t getting her way. God has been patient. Let me repeat. God has been patient. And, let me add, merciful and loving.

To give you just a clue to my woes, I’ve been plagued with quite a bout of self-doubt and a tremendous dose of insecurity. Three years ago we made the decision for me to be a stay-at-home wife and mama and full-time student. I don’t regret that decision at all. However, the adjustment hasn’t been easy. It’s not just been the loss of having my own income; it’s been the blow to my ego. In my work life I was used to having my opinion matter, and making important decisions, and being the “go-to” girl. Nobody here knows me from that life. It’s very hard to sit quietly and not have my opinion matter or even to have anyone seek my opinion or advice. I’m just married to the preacher. Who cares, right? (Thankfully, my children and husband recognize and appreciate me, and, yes, I know that’s what matters most.) So with a bruised ego and much self-pitying I’ve been struggling with who I am and the redefining of myself for this season of our lives.

Then, nothing has really been going my way. Do you hear my inner brat in that statement? I feel like we’ve been taking two steps back for every one forward. I’ve gone through the emotions of jealousy, anxiety, and despair. Certain doors have been closed and there are some things we are facing that I’m not sure where the finances are coming from. One of those things is our upcoming mission trip. However, through much prayer and seeking God, we feel certain to continue with our plans for the trip.

Johnmark sat me down several days ago and asked me what was wrong. I had to be honest with him and shared all this with him and even confessed that I was withdrawing from God like a petulant, prideful wimp. We prayed. I prayed. God led me one day to a passage about good King Hezekiah (probably my favorite OT guy) in 2 Chronicles 32:25-26. King Hez was suffering from a prideful heart. Oh, yeah, that resonated. He had been blessed beyond measure and hadn’t responded accordingly. Resonate. Resonate. Resonate. God is patient. God is loving. God is merciful.

Oh, my Lord, lover of my soul. I love how He loves me. His mercy and grace are always extended at the right moment and sometimes there are double blessings. For now, I’ll just share that one phone call brought about two blessings. It brought some healing to my ego and provided finances for our trip – exactly to the penny.

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.” Psalm 116:7

Why She's a 6

2011-05-20T05:54:00.000-05:00

Actually, in my book she's a 10! (and so is her brother) Anyway, below is a sampling of my girl's writing. It's a little essay she had to do and she drew her inspiration from a certain little girl that we think is a 10, too!
(oh, and the 6 reference is for the FCAT....what Beka scored on her Florida Writes in both 8th grade and this year. And, yeah, it's a perfect score and few achieve it.)

Happiness

Rebeka Brown

Happiness. To me it’s the feeling you get when you are with people that you love. It’s the realization of how important the little moments are to you. It’s someone’s infectious laughter. A simple smile. I believe in happiness.

I believe someone’s happiness depends on their outlook of life. I believe optimism is important. I also believe in love, forgiveness, and faith. I think that these are a few keys to a person’s happiness. It’s not about money, popularity, and social differences. It’s about how life is lived and the choices we make every day. Life is hard for everyone at some point. Unfortunately, some people may suffer more than others. Most times we have no control over the challenges we face, but we do have control over how we handle them. We face them with strength, courage, and a little optimism never hurts. Being positive gives us hope when we may need it most. It’s an important key to happiness.

Sometimes I get so frustrated with everyday life. When I face heartache and struggles I may cry or get angry and upset. After I chill out I have to remember how much I am blessed. No matter how much I want things to be my way I have to remember that I am not the only person in the world who has ever faced an obstacle. Knowing that I am blessed with so many people who care about me makes me feel much happier.

Happiness is a contagious emotion. It’s a feeling that can be so easily shared. Recently I was with some close family. My brother, parents, aunt, uncle, cousins and I were all eating a meal together. In the midst of discussion Anna, my cousin who is two and a half, looked up at my Aunt Kimberly and said, “I happy Mommy.” . Her simple statement was enough to make us all laugh a little. Her happiness was like butter melting over us. Not to mention how adorable she is.

It goes to show that happiness can be contagious. I believe showing love and kindness is a way to share happiness. No matter who we are, we all want to be happy. This I believe.

This is the Stuff.....

2011-04-22T11:26:00.000-05:00

that drives me crazy!

NOTHING has gone according to plan this week
So far behind in my school assignments and housework and my parents will be here in a few short hours
Aaron hasn't had an asthma flare up in months and now misses two days of school right as Spring Break begins
Began a test this morning only to have Walton High call right in the middle to tell me to come get my child. Seems she decided she really didn't need her right index finger because she sliced the tip of it off doing an origami project. Thankfully, she's past the "I think I'm going to pass out, Mama" stage and we're now waiting on dear old dad to get home to give his opinion on whether I need to go spend several hours in the ER. But there's really nothing there to stitch up. All the meat is gone. Haven't seen that much blood come out of something in quite a while and that something still live. Even the school nurse was a little queasy and grossed out by it.

BUT...
"In the middle of my little mess, I forget how big I'm blessed...."

had a church member call at 6 am this morning to relieve Johnmark of something he had been asked to do today. This loving man saw a need and did something about it and in the process freed up Johnmark to take care of other things that were actually a little more pressing. Bless him!
Family is coming. We're not having to spend Easter alone this year.
Jesus died for me today all those years ago. Need I say more?

Coming Attractions

2011-04-21T14:20:00.000-05:00

Y'all, I'm in a serious state of mental fatigue. It's the end of yet another semester and we've got a lot going on and some heavy decisions to make. I gave a little teaser about my excitement on Facebook. So unfair I know. Bear with me, though, because I do promise to share. I've had some really great blog posts rolling around in my head. Unfortunately, that's where they are still at and will remain for several more days. However, here's an inkling of what I'm thinkng, or at least some titles...

Wolves Among Us (lest you should read more into this than you should, it's a fiction book by a new author I've discovered that I really enjoyed and made me think about some things I've seen floating around in the lives of some dear Christian sisters that has really disturbed me lately - horoscopes and the mention of psychics)
While I'm Waiting (this seems to be the theme of my life as of late. I've had some heavy discussions with my man about this, too. I'll be sharing because I want your feedback.)
Go Ye Into All the World (pretty self-explanatory, but has me excited and nervous at the same time)
Letting Go (still figuring this one out)
My Peeps (just a little fun and bragging about some great gals that I enjoy getting together with every now and then)

Hopefully we'll all be going to this fun event together. If you don't know who Shellie Tomlinson is, check out her website at All Things Southern. She's a great Christian lady over in Louisiana who is also an author and hosts her own radio show which I listen to online. She's funny to boot. Excited about getting to meet her in person!

That's about it. My mind is mush. But I needed to get this all down before I forgot it.

Pray for us!

Have a blessed Easter!

He is risen...........He is risen indeed!

Things I Love...

2011-04-14T17:14:00.000-05:00

Just a few quick things that I love, am in love with, or make me smile:

my hubby, for lots of reasons. Last night he knew I was a little blue and he also knows how much I love to sleep with him curled up around me even though it can be a little uncomfortable for him. He put his comfort aside and I had the sweetest and deepest sleep last night, more than I've had in a long time.
getting a sneak peek of the new movie from Sherwood Films, "Courageous." It was just kind of cool getting to see it several months before its available to the public. We got some free promotional stuff afterwards too, which sweetened the deal. Can't wait to see it again with our friends and church family.
my Wednesday night girls. Oh, how they bless me! Such a sweet group.
the help I receive when I least expect it and I surely haven't asked for it. I'm still in awe at the times I've had a need and God has met it through some of the most unlikely people.
the people in my life....EVERY single one of them. There are some I wish I had a different relationship with, but for now I'm giving it over to God and allowing Him to bring healing and softening of hearts. But every person that is in my life in some shape or form has a special place. I'm at a loss at how to explain that. I am discovering what a privilege it is to love the people God brings into my life and how they (well, most of them) love me.
my babies. Though they haven't technically been that for quite some time, they capture my heart and my life. I adore them and am in love, love, love with them. Those two astound me regularly and I am so overwhelmed by their growth physically, spiritually, emotionally, etc. It tears at my heart as I daily watch them grow into their own people and young adults, but, oh, I am so glad they are mine.

Snapdragon

2011-04-09T14:52:00.000-05:00

Nope. No awe inspiring pictures of beautiful flowers. Sorry to disappoint or mislead. That word is just fitting for my mood today. I'm all growly and snappy and perhaps a bit snippy. And, I'm not even sorry one bit. Now enough said on that because, "I've said my peace and counted to three!" (ode to Matthew).

What Light Through Yonder Window Breaks

2011-04-04T10:11:00.000-05:00

Ha! Love that word "yonder"! Ol' Will was a Southern boy and didn't even know it.
I'm going a little out of context with the title, just bear with me. I'm leading up to some "shattering" or window breaking of my own and a couple rays of light that are shining in this ever present darkness.

Let's just begin at the end or rather where this saga has left off. If you've been keeping up with my posts then you know things just aren't swell. If you're a confidant then you know this is something that has been brewing for quite some time. I have remained silent. Even when I didn't want to. Even when I didn't think I should. But that's a moot point. This morning I was given permission to speak about the matter and speak I did. Unbelievably I didn't get emotional, I didn't get angry, I didn't do any character defaming. It was just a "state the facts, ma'am" and state them I did. Breaking that window of silence was strong medicine most definitely.

Now to my little rays of light and hope. I think I've mentioned before (ok, maybe several times) that in this new life of mine I feel a little stifled and isolated and lonely. And, we've discovered that there are those who would choose that for me (sad, but true). Then there are those that outshine the rest. First there is a dear one, though not much older than myself, but years wiser,who has seen through my little facade of "I'm fine, I'm okay, glad to be here" and extended that hand of friendship (much needed hand of friendship). Then there are a couple others who aren't privy to the behind-the-scenes shenanigans, but are a little suspicious that life in the fish bowl ain't easy. Both within a week have made various comments in private to me that encourage me to keep on keeping on. They are sisters young in their faith and I am so grateful that I am getting to watch them grow. They keep me on my toes and make me want to do and be better.

I don't know what the outcome is going to be and that's okay because all's well that ends well. Sorry, couldn't resist. :)

Undeserved Surprise

2011-03-30T13:30:00.000-05:00

It is no secret that I do not deserve God's unending grace. I am selfish and stubborn and often rebellious, unloving and unloveable. I'll just stop there.
I also do not deserve my husband. See above.
He demonstrated grace to me this weekend. Undeserved grace.
Saturday I was all of the above plus some. He was tired and worn out and I was stressed and itching for a fight. I was living up to my nickname (no comments Kimberly!). Anyway to make a long story short Saturday evening was less than pleasant. Sunday morning was, let's just say, quiet. I try my very best to have no conflict on Sundays. He MUST be spiritually prepared when he enters the pulpit. So to avoid any unpleasantries there wasn't much conversation Sunday. Until I walked into his offiice for our time of prayer together between Sunday School and worship. He looked up from his desk with a grin, "I have a surprise for you tomorrow." Still petulant I just responded with an "okay." "You're not curious?" "No. I'm sure you'll tell me later." And, that was pretty much it. The subject never really came up again until Monday morning when he told me to get ready to go somewhere. The only question I had then was if I had time for a shower and for my hair to dry on the way to wherever we were going. He assured me I did and off we went.
He had all this planned for a while.
He took on a roofing job, but never really said what the money was for. ( I feared the motorcycle fund). Anyway he finished it up Saturday. And after he got home while I was trying to pick a stupid fight he was internet surfing for my surprise. He intended to make enough to purchase for me what I'd been wanting, to purchase a couple things for himself, to pay Aaron enough to pay off his deer head and to buy a train set, and to put a little cash back into Beka's wallet. I was utterly and totally clueless. He demonstrated to me what undeserved grace looks like with my undeserved surprise. Oh, I am blessed!
This is my surprise. He told me what my spending limit was once we hit Best Buy in Destin. And, I ended picking out the very one he had chosen on line. ( He knows me that well). My camera broke last summer and I could never justify spending that kind of money on another one. A couple of times I almost bought cheaper cameras, but he stopped me because he knew I just wouldn't be satisfied until I got the one I really wanted with all of the fun extras plus the great zoom.
He is beyond good to me and I am grateful!

My Chains are Gone

2011-03-30T13:07:00.000-05:00

I have felt so stifled in my life as of late. I have never been able to accurately define my role as a pastor's wife often feeling confused and frustrated and unsure of myself. This morning confirmation came in the form of this video and from a godly young woman who I am being privileged to watch grow in the Lord. This video confirmed a lot of things for me. It is so very simple, yes, I know. But it resonated with me. The young woman has become a great friend and she sent me some words that God knew I needed to hear. Some of you know that we are in conflict right now and the situation only continues to grow steadily worse. We don't know what God is doing in all this and what direction He is leading us. But through this video and through the encouragement from this friend (who to my knowledge knows nothing about the conflict because I do not discuss it with anyone except for one or two who do not live here and that is only to gain their wisdom and prayers and because I just need to vent every now and then) I now know this - I will continue to serve my husband and my children so that Johnmark can be the best pastor God has called him to be and so that my children will love God and the church. They are to be my ministry whether we are serving here or elsewhere. Y'all can not know the immense freedom I relish in that.

Yum-o!

2011-03-17T16:53:00.000-05:00

After an awesome weekend away with family, we had the return-home-blues. The only thing that made it better was looking forward to a night out with the girls. Some friends from church and I attended a Taste of Home cooking school. It was so much fun! So, in tradition of my sister-in-law, Kimberly, I'm going to share a few of the great recipes made that night. This is just a sampling and I will post more later. I'm making the reuben casserole tonight and will comment on how it was.
Enjoy!

ONE-PAN TACO DINNER

1 lb. ground beef

1 packet taco seasoning mix

2 cups water

2 cups Minute White Rice, uncooked

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

2 cups shredded lettuce

1 large tomato, chopped

1. Brown and drain the ground beef. Return to pan.

2. Add the taco seasoning mix and water; stir. Bring mixture to boil. Stir in the rice. Sprinkle rice with shredded cheese; cover.

3. Reduce heat to low; simmer 5 minutes. Top mixture with shredded lettuce and chopped tomato just before serving.

REUBEN CASSEROLE

5 cups uncooked egg noodles

2 cans (14 oz. each) sauerkraut, rinsed and drained well

2 cans (10.75 oz each) condensed cream of chicken soup, undiluted

¾ cup milk

½ cup chopped onion

3 tablespoons mustard

¾ lb. sliced deli corned beef, chopped

2 cups shredded Swiss cheese

2 slices day-old rye bread

2 tablespoons butter, melted

1. Cook and drain noodles according to package.

2. In large bowl, combine sauerkraut, soup, milk, onion, and mustard. Add noodles. Transfer to greased 13x9 pan. Sprinkle with corned beef and cheese.

3. Place bread in a food processor; cover and process until it resembles course crumbs. Toss with melted butter and then sprinkle on top of casserole.

4. Bake, uncovered, at 350 degrees for 40-45 minutes or until bubbly.

BERRY PUFF PANCAKE

1 tablespoon butter

3 eggs

¾ cup milk

¾ cup all-purpose flour

½ teaspoon salt

BERRY TOPPING:

1 cup fresh raspberries

1 cup fresh blueberries

1 cup sliced fresh strawberries

1/3 cup orange marmalade

2 tablespoons confectioners’ sugar

1. Place the butter in a 9 inch pie plate; place in a 400 degree oven for 4-5 minutes or until melted. Meanwhile, in a small bowl, whisk the eggs and milk. In another small bowl, combine the flour and salt; whisk in egg mixture until smooth.

2. Pour into prepared pie plate. Bake for 15-20 minutes or until sides are crisp and golden brown.

3. In a large bowl, gently combine the berries and the marmalade. Sprinkle pancake wth confectioners’ sugar; fill with berry mixture. Serve immediately.

FRITTATA PRIMAVERA

¾ lb. fresh asparagus, trimmed, cut into 1” lengths

1/3 cup chopped red peppers

8 eggs

2 tablespoons water

½ teaspoon salt

4 oz. Philadelphia Cream Cheese, cut into small cubes

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Cook and stir the vegetables in 10” ovenproof skillet on medium-high heat 3 minutes or until crisp-tender.

2. Beat eggs, water and salt in medium bowl with whisk until well blended. Sprinkle cream cheese over vegetables in skillet; cover with egg mixture and vegetables.

3. Bake 30 minutes or until frittata is puffed and golden brown.

POTATO LEEK SOUP

¼ cup butter

2 leeks, cleaned and cut into ½” slices, about 4 cups

¼ cup finely chopped carrot

5 medium russet potatoes, peeled and cubed, about 5 cups

4 teaspoons chicken bouillon granules

1 jar (15 oz.) Classico Light Creamy Alfredo Pasta Sauce

2 tablespoons chopped fresh chives

1. Melt butter in a large saucepot over medium-high heat. Cook leeks and carrot for 5 minutes stirring occasionally.

2. Add 3 ¾ cups water, potatoes, and granules, and bring to a boil. Cover, reduce heat to medium and simmer for 25-35 minutes, stirring occasionally.

3. Stir in pasta sauce (use ¼ cup water to rinse out jar) and simmer for another 5-6 minutes or until heated through. Season with salt and pepper to taste if desired. Remove from heat and stir in chives.

EASY CHICKEN ENCHILADAS

1 small onion, chopped

2 teaspoons oil

3 cups shredded cooked chicken breasts

1 can (14.5 oz.) no-salt added diced tomatoes, drained

1 tub (10 oz.) Philadelphia Santa Fe Style Blend Cooking Crème, divided

½ cup Mexican-style finely shredded four cheese

8 (6”) flour tortillas

1. Heat oven to 350 degrees. Cook and stir onions in hot oil in large skillet on medium heat 4-5 minutes or until crisp-tender. Stir in chicken, tomatoes, ¾ cup cooking crème and shredded cheese.

2. Spoon about 1/3 cup chicken mixture down center of each tortilla; roll up. Place, seam-side down, in 13”x9” baking dish sprayed with cooking spray; top with remaining cooking crème. Cover. Bake 15-20 minutes or until heated through.

Busy...but Good

2011-03-08T15:23:00.000-06:00

Whirlwind week...
Brown parents
Revival
Mid-terms
Papers
Children's Activities
Canceling and rescheduling some appointments
Fun lunches
Sleep deprivation
Packing for Tennessee
Looking forward to Tennessee
Good times...good life

He's Still Working On Me.....

2011-03-07T11:47:00.000-06:00

To make me what I ought to be. Can I get an amen?

It's been no secret that I have been through the spiritual and emotional wringers as of late. What I wanted to do more than anything was to go home with my tail tucked between my legs, crawl up beside my Pappy, cry my heart out, and admit defeat. But I couldn't do that. One, my beloved best friend and grandfather has been in heaven for 13 years now next month. Two, God called me here and not to a life of fluff, but to serve Him even through the hurts and rejections. I won't go into all the nitty gritty dirt because it's just not fair (let me take a moment here to be childish and immature and just say that I won't do to them what they have done to me and that's wage a smear campaign). Back to my wise and spiritually mature self (go ahead and laugh because you know and I know that you want to). Anyway, as my wonderfully wise man repeats often to me when I'm in a whining, pitiful state - "This is good for us." He's right (don't tell him I said so). It has been good for me. It's growing me, maturing me, and waking me up to a reality that is not a Pollyanna existence. I am fallen and sinful and have been called to minister to the fallen and sinful. What a combustible combination! We will get through this and I believe I'll be better for it. I'm like that vat of cane juice and God has turned up the fire a notch or two to boil all those impurities of mine up to the surface so they can be skimmed off and gotten rid of (and it's all giving me more fodder for that book I'm still working on based on this concept). Who knows He might just turn me into a bundle of sweetness? (yes, sarcasm intended. But if anyone can...He can!).

.....But It's Me, O Lord....

2011-02-16T22:36:00.000-06:00

Standing in the need of prayer.

Y'all, I just can not give any specifics. But please, please earnestly pray for me (and Johnmark and Beka and Aaron). I am at my breaking point and I have shared this with my husband already. If I could, I would walk away from it all tonight. I am battered and bruised. I am isolated and lonely. I am broken. I am tired. I am angry. I am hurt. I feel bitterness seeping in. I need prayer.

God is so good. Yes, even during the howling winds of this storm. I love Him and thank Him for His mercy. But right now serving Him is a struggle.

Shhhhh....

2011-02-14T07:48:00.000-06:00

It's valentine's day, so I have to share this.

Love is...

I was sitting at Johnmark's desk the other day looking for an envelope. I was digging deep in one of his drawers in my search. I came across a mini legal pad which he loves to carry around with him and which he has been looking for. So, I thought I would set it aside for him. Then I realized why it was buried so deep. It wasn't because he had misplaced it. It was because he was hiding it. On the first page he has been keeping a list of all the things he has heard me mention that I have wanted or needed. Y'all I just melted. So many times I think he never hears me and this just proved me wrong. It was so sweet. I may never get all of those things on that list, but I got something better. I realized that my husband does pay attention.

So, what did I get for Valentine's Day?

a Lodge cast-iron griddle (yep, it was on the list)
my own six-pack of Coca-Colas in glass bottles (nope, wasn't on the list, just something he has always known I've loved, and I don't have to share them)

Oh, and he doesn't know that I know about the list. So, mum's the word!

Oh. My. Word.

2011-02-14T07:34:00.000-06:00

On my last visit with Rev. Eddie Kennedy, just a few weeks before he went Home, he spoke words of encouragement to me with this, "The written word is so powerful. Write." Upon leaving his home I immediately went to the car and recorded our last conversation, for I knew it would be our last, in my little brown journal. His words meant so much to me. And, they are so true. Words are powerful whether they are written or spoken or thought. They have the power to build up or destroy.

I have found myself in a difficult situation over the last year or so that just continues to escalate. I'm sorry to admit that I haven't always behaved Christ-like in this matter. More often than not I have reacted in the flesh. I have implored God to deal with the other party and poured out my list of grievances to Him. Just like a child.

I don't know whether He has dealt with them or not because the situation is really no better. But he has dealt with me. And, it's rather almost comical with how the Lover of My Soul is doing so. I am taking a Women's Ministry Leadership class as an elective this semester (it's a follow up to one I took last year) and right off the bat we are dealing with communication and perception. Then for my speech class I have had to do four speaker reviews and to be honest I was getting a little tired of the political/news arena and turned to youtube to see if I could find something a little more entertaining. There I stumbled upon Beth Moore's "Wednesdays with Beth" from Life Today and her six-part series "Loving Difficult People." Light. Bulb. I just knew this was my ticket and I would get all my answers. Ha! And, then after wading through my daily jackpot of useless emails and normally deleting all of them something caught my eye. Every day I get something from Revive Our Hearts with Nancy Leigh DeMoss and every day it usually gets deleted with everything else. But on this particular occasion I felt compelled to open and read it. Prompting by the Holy Spirit? Yes, most definitely. It was Nancy's series "The Power of Words." Again, I thought this would be about the other party and maybe something they should really read because their words to me and my family and about me and my family to our faces and behind our backs have really stung and hurt.

It hasn't been about "the others" at all. It's been about me. In seeking God because I was so angry and hurt and frustrated and wanted Him to do something with them. Yet, in His infinite wisdom He has chosen to do something with me. First, He (and my beloved) have reminded me that He is my defender and also my refuge. This ministry life ain't easy. I can not change the other party. I can not change what they say, think, feel, gossip, slander, about me. I can not change their perception of the situation. But through a loving Jesus I can change. I can change how I think about them. I can change my perception. I can change how I communicate with them. I can change how I respond to them. My flesh cries out to retaliate and be just as nasty and hurtful and even campaign against them as they have done so. Instead, I have just retreated and wallowed in my own pride, self-pity, and misery. God wouldn't leave me there. He has so been working on my spirit. Softening me. Making me less critical, less judgmental, less harsh. So much so that I want to unzip myself and look inside and say, "who are you and what have you done with the real me?" There's a sensitivity there where there was bitterness before. Now, I feel prompted to find ways to love them and love on them and to seek ways to help them. I have no control over how they respond, but that no longer matters.

I have reread and reread my textbook on perception and communication. I have watched over and over and over Beth's teaching. Why? Because what I thought was going to be about them wasn't. Through her exposing of God's word, He has exposed some of my ugliness and sin to me. (Blacklight, anyone?) I went back through my deleted emails and found all of Nancy's Power of Words series and have poured over them. Again, because God was dealing with me, not them.

I am the only one that I have control over in this situation and others. I am the only one who can change my words. The words I say, write, think, should be for edifying not tearing down. I am so thankful for the Lord's chastisement and gentle rebuke and for holding that mirror up to me. I don't know how this situation will resolve itself or if it even will, but I do know that my words have the power to bring about change.

“Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.” Proverbs 12:18.

Blacklight Theology

2011-02-08T14:23:00.000-06:00

We've all seen it. Elegant hotel room. Immaculate. Spotless. Then the lights go out and a blacklight is turned on and what is revealed makes most of us queasy and maybe even a little unsure about that next hotel stay. I'm like that hotel room. In the light it may appear that I have it all together. The right things to say. The right motives. A servant's heart. I mean, I'm a pastor's wife after all. Turn out the lights and illuminate the darkness with a blacklight and you see all my flaws and all my sins are revealed. Hmmm, my motives weren't so pure. I said the right thing, but didn't think it. Servant? Ha! How gracious is our God. There are so many analogies running through my head with this one. When I stand in the Light, He sees the reflection of His Son. I am covered by grace. But there's an enemy lurking that is dark and wants to cast me in a dark light and reveal all my iniquities. He is the blacklight. He is the exposer. God doesn't need anyone to expose me to Him. He knows me and loves me warts and all. Here's my second thought on the blacklight. It reveals to me my character and my sins that I try to hide, but that God still sees. It's a good reminder that I need to repent and walk closer to Him because the next time I stumble in the darkness and that blacklight is switched on there will be less of my sin revealed and more of Jesus to see.

Any thoughts?

Dr. Gru's Lightbulb

2011-02-02T12:52:00.000-06:00

You may or may not have watched Despicable Me. In any case, Dr. Gru the villain/hero will utter a very slow and pronounced "light bulb" when he realizes something of significance. I had one of those moments this morning as I lay beside that sweet man of mine and was pondering some things before the house was stirring.
It is simply this.....
God gives a great place of love for the church in the heart of a pastor.
God gives a great place of love for the pastor in the heart of his wife.

It may not be of significance to you, but for me it was an "aha" moment especially with some issues I've been struggling with. It's not to say that I don't love the church. It's just that my calling is to love and serve the man called to love and serve them.

Suffice It To Say...

2011-01-14T15:01:00.000-06:00

Suffice it to say....

I'm not really an animal person. Can take them or leave them.
I'm very weak stomached.
I don't like touching icky things
I don't like smelling bad things

But after today....

I really love this little pooch
I'm in awe of the whole birth process for dogs
I haven't lost my lunch yet - in fact I just ate it
I've touched icky things and smelled some too, and I'm doing just fine

Just me and her, and so far, 6 little whelps. She's doing all the work and I'm just sitting back with a goofy grin on my face beholden to the Maker of all things as I get to watch Miss Raleigh's God given instincts kick-in and she cares for her first litter.

For Kimberly

2011-01-13T13:35:00.000-06:00

Don't get excited, because it's just a plain tea kettle. Johnmark asked where my old one was at a few months ago and I informed him it probably got discarded in the move. That translated into him feeling the need to gift me with one at Christmas. He claims I asked for one. No. I. Did. Not. But, anyway, that's what I got and I've been using it quite often - tea, hot chocolate, oatmeal, etc. I just like to hear it whistle and it makes him happy when I use it.

More Little Things

2011-01-13T11:13:00.000-06:00

Just a continuation of the little things that have the biggest impact:

watching Beka ROCK the runway and being beautiful and confident. She had so much fun and we had fun watching her. As they read her bio she commented that her heroes were her parents who "set a godly example for her." She caught my eye at that moment and we both had tears. I love that girl! (I was also amazed that they were able to get her into 3 different outfits/hairstyles in a minimal amount of time. Note to self: discover their secret).
arriving at church super late Sunday morning, but earlier than anyone should arrive only to discover several already there and gearing up for Sunday School. Enthusiasm, yes!!! Seeing this took away our frustrations and anxieties on getting there late.
Raleigh! The newest addition to our home and a very pregnant one at that. She's an indoor beagle for now and such a delight. Not quite a year old, but acts like a grandma. She follows me around fussing and whining at me all day, especially if I've reprimanded her.
being with my GA girls again finally last night. They are an absolute handful and a challenge, but oh, how they inspire me.
Twenty-nine dollars and change is what Rebeka and I received combined from our now defunct consignment store. We both felt it should have been more, but there's no arguing because they are out of business. Anyway, with our earnings we are treating everyone to supper out tomorrow night at the Two Cousins Restaurant in our woodsy neighborhood. Then we're coming home to watch Lord of the Rings.
Hearing the whistle of my new tea kettle that Johnmark gave me for Christmas. There's just something so quaint and homey about that.
Down alternative pillows. An unexpected surprise from Johnmark last night. Sleep was delicious on them.
Numerous trips to the post office as my listings are selling like hotcakes on Amazon. Just received notice of another sale as I type this.
And, finally, three day weekend!!!!

It's the Little Things

2011-01-06T22:45:00.000-06:00

To be brief, we've all had the crud except for Rebeka. This in itself is unusual because she picks up any stomach bug within a ten mile radius. So we're expecting it to hit her any day now. Aaron and I are finally finished, but Johnmark's bout reared its ugly head around midnight last night. Won't go into the gore, but his was the worst and most violent buy a long shot and made for a very long night. Today is his main day to shut the office door and study, study, study. I don't think he's even stepped outside today meaning he never made it to the office. We also had a lunch date with some sweet friends that I had to call and cancel. It's been kind of an ugly, depressing day/week.
There was a bright spot, however. Not being too sure what to fix for supper I settled on eggs, grits, sausage and toast. Fairly bland and easy. Before I began the phone rang and someone told me they'd be at my house in forty minutes with hot vegetable soup. That gesture lifted my spirits tremendously. Not only was it a caring act but it was done by someone with the sweetest heart and they were willing to go way out of their way for us just because. It was already dark and we live about 15 minutes north of them. It took some effort for them to do what they did. And, it's these little things that are really great big things and mean the most.

Jehovah Jireh

2011-01-05T12:03:00.000-06:00

God is so good and so merciful even to the undeserving (me). We have wavered back and forth so many times on my return to employment and so far Johnmark is reluctant. Why? Mostly because I serve as his pro bono secretary, deacon, counselor, tutor, gopher, cook and maid. He also knows how very much finishing my degree means to me and how very much the children need me at their beck and call. Why do I want to return to work? Mostly selfish reasons especially when I am just fed up with being frugal to a fault and want just a little extra to spend on me.
Now to the nitty gritty. Are we destitute? No. Do we suffer? Absolutely not. Do we still do pretty much what we want to do? You betcha! Why? Because God is our provider. There is no prosperity gospel here nor any name it or claim it. Just the simple truth that God is good and provides. Here's a few samples/God stories....

November came and we were able to squeeze out a short family visit/vacation to Tennessee through the generosity of a kind lady with the use of her time share. Took some doing, but we paid cash for everything else and still paid all our bills. Family even came in for a few days which takes a little extra, but we made it. Why? God provides.
holidays are killer on every family budget, especially on the pastorate. There is an endless tug on our finances during this time. Just when I thought I had it all planned out and could squeeze all our needs, wants, and extras out of one meager salary the bottom fell out. In December alone I had to have a tire patched, buy a battery for the tahoe, and buy windshield wipers for the tahoe. Not a big deal you say? Well, you go price those bad boys and then get back to me because I was floored. None of them were cheap (the wipers alone were $50). I got a little depressed and down in the dumps, but I shouldn't have. God provided. We paid cash for all that, still paid for all our Christmas with cash, went out to eat on Christmas eve and to see a movie on cash, paid all our bills, and went south and back on cash with even a little extra left when we got home.
back to school time....grrr. Textbooks, textbooks, and more textbooks. Thought we might have to put these on the credit card this go round, but no, we're able to pay cash. Beka graduates this weekend from Barbizon and the tickets are $20 a pop...paying cash. God provides.
Here's the cool story...Johnmark had a meeting in town last night that he forgot about and didn't really want to go to, but decided to go anyway. On the way there his alternator died and I about cried. He went to AutoZone and it was such a God thing. The manager on duty knew him from a funeral he had preached at. He found JM the cheapest available alternator in stock, but then when they opened it, it was busted. Yikes! So he then went and got JM the best on the market in stock which also happened to be the most expensive. Yikes! But, wait, God is good, remember? He sold it to JM at the price of the cheapest one, took an additional $10 off, and didn't charge for the core. What would have been nearly $250 was only $140, and, yes, he paid cash.

I don't understand it all and sometimes I still really stress because money is my big hang up. I don't always get it right. In fact, I still stumble and usually do it wrong. But God is leading me on this path of obedience and teaching me to be a good steward of what He has blessed us with. Even when I make the wrong decisions or make mistakes, He still provides and helps me back onto the path. Why? Because He is a just, and good, and loving and providing God. He is Jehovah Jireh.

For Blogging Sake

2011-01-01T12:48:00.000-06:00

We are home today from our week in Fort Green visiting with family and friends. What a time it was. As much as I love them all, it is still refreshing to be sitting in my home today in the Northwest Florida woods. It has been forever ago since I last posted and, honestly, inspiration is greatly lacking right now. I'm simply blogging because I need to. I won't bore you by catching up on the last several months, nor do I have any great insight to share. Even reflecting on the past year and the possibilities of the one ahead, I have little to say. 2010 was blessed. I have no real resolutions for 2011. The only real things I've resolved to do is to fervently commit to prayer healing for family, taking part in Platt's Radical challenge, and Rebeka and I are participating in Beth Moore's scripture memorization. My first verse is Zephaniah 3:17. Hers is yet to be decided.
So, for the sake of blogging just to blog, this is my offering.

So Long...

2010-11-21T19:57:00.000-06:00

....for now. It's pretty obvious that I've been away for a while. School has consumed way too much of my time and exhausted all of my writing capabilities. In fact, I've got 2 more term papers to finish over Thanksgiving and 3 essays eagerly awaiting me now that are due in about 4 hours. Sigh. I just needed a break. But I am very proud to report that I will only have 35 more hours to go after May and graduation looks like it will be coming in December 2012 and not May 2013. Super excited and have been taking a gander at finishing my master's at FSU. We'll have to wait and see if that is where God leads me. Anyway, my mind is mush, I needed a visit with my long forgotten friend (my blog), and will be back in late December to bore you with an update of My Life As a Pastor's Wife, and mama, and student, and.....

Happy Thanksgiving!

Press Play and Repeat

2010-10-16T01:02:00.000-05:00

Have a couple of new songs I'm enjoying lately, both for different reasons. Here's one, by Andrew Peterson,

"Dancing in the Minefields"

Well I was 19, you were 21
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway
We got the rings for 40 each from a pawnshop down the road
We said our vows and took the leap now 15 years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for

Well "I do" are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I've heard is a good place to begin
'Cause the only way to find your life is to lay your own life down
And I believe it's an easy price for the life that we have found

And we're dancing in the minefields
We're sailing in the storms
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I lose loves chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith to the end of all my days
when I forget my name, remind me

'Cause we bear the light of the Son of man
So there's nothing left to fear
So I'll walk with you in the shadow lands
Till the shadows disappear
'Cause He promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of this chaos baby,
I can dance with you

So lets go dancing in the minefields
Lets go sailing in the storms
Oh, lets go dancing in the minefields
And kicking down the doors
Oh, lets go dancing in the minefields
And sailing in the storms
Oh, this is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that's what the promise is for
That's what the promise is for

...and here's the other one, by Chris August

"Starry Night"

From the Birds that Sing, In the Tallest Trees.

To the Human Life, of you and me.
From the Desert Sands, to the place we stand.
He is God of All, He is Everything.

Waohhh

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything
'Cause he is everything

From the Autumn Leaves, that will ride the breeze
To the Faith it takes, to pray and sing
From the Painted sky, to my plank filled eye
He is God of all, He is everything

Waohhh

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
Let the praises ring, 'cause he is everything.

Ohhhhhhh (everything)

Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe
Ohhh
Hallelujah (Hallelujah)
Hallelujah
I believe

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun
On that Starry Night, He changed my life.
I'm giving it all to the only son who gave me hope when I had none.
So let the praises ring,
Ohhhh Let the Praises Ring

I'm giving my life to the only one who makes the Moon reflect the sun.
Every Starry Night, that was His design.
I'm giving my life to the only son, who was and is and yet to come
and the Angels sing, that he is Heavenly

So let the Praises ring
'Cause he everything

And, so it begins!

2010-10-08T09:46:00.000-05:00

The busyness of the holiday season kicks off at the Brown house today! Some things I'm looking forward to, and others, I'm not. Back to my old weight loss regimen and am proud to say I've lost 5.6 pounds this week even after having Pizza Hut and McDonald's. Hoping to keep it up through the holidays...insane I know! Forgot I had some birthday funds still hanging around and Rebeka drove me to Geneva yesterday for some shopping. Got a new suit and dress. First new clothes I've had in almost 3 years (David Platt would be so proud). Wedding rehearsal tonight and wedding tomorrow. Out of town Sunday. Johnmark goes out of town Monday and maybe Tuesday. Midterms and research papers. Granny's coming. In-laws coming. Operation Christmas Child. Fall festival. Senior adult outings. Tennessee. Parents at Thanksgiving. Finals. Christmas for the pastor and his family means we will barely be home during the month of December. Then Fort Green for New Year's!
There's a couple of boxes staring at me full of my fall decor which, sadly, have to wait until next week. But I get to decorate my new mantle!
We're so excited about the days ahead, but we are making a point this year to savor them and not to rush through them or to let them rush by.

One of the Good Ones

2010-10-02T19:21:00.001-05:00

Today has definitely been one of those days that wouldn't be labeled as remarkable, but, for us, so near perfect.

Slept late
Made a little girl's 10th birthday even more special. We gave our neighbor's granddaughter a little kitten Johnmark rescued the other day. We would have kept it, but that little girl had already fallen in love with it, so after making sure it was okay with grandma, Aaron walked it over to her.
Krispy Kreme doughnuts for breakfast
Bathed the dogs, treated them for fleas, wormed them
Tomato soup for lunch
Tons of yard work and leaf raking
Dogs enjoyed our piles of leaves
Beautiful, cool, awesome Fall weather
Beka drove us up to Geneva, AL so we could snag some Taco Bell for supper (becasue Johnmark was away and I didn't want to cook)
We started to eat on the way home (I was driving then) and from the backseat I heard, "Don't eat yet! Don't eat yet!" I at first thought there was something wrong. Nope. Just Aaron needing to bless our food and that blessed my mama's heart
Florida vs. Alabama - undecided who I'm rooting for

Such a good day.

The Balm

2010-09-23T12:10:00.000-05:00

Elizabeth and Kimberly,
You two are the balm! As in balm to my soul. I treasure your friendship!
Amy

Waiting and Wondering

2010-09-20T14:16:00.000-05:00

As I write this it has been 3 hours and 16 minutes since my mother called to tell me that once again Daddy is having chest pains, passed out, and is being rushed to the hospital. I am 8 hours away. This is three times now in 9 months and is frustrating to say the least. I have been praying and wondering and watching the phone (she did tell me it would be later today before she could call because her phone service was poor at the hospital). What I am so thankful for is that even though I can't be there, Mama and Daddy are not alone. They are surrounded by family and friends and an awesome church family that loves and cares for them. And, for now that is what I'm holding onto.

Christmas Shopping

2010-09-16T23:48:00.000-05:00

Oh, my sweet man's heart is overflowing for missions right now and he's just itching to be more involved on all levels. Today he informed me that we would be picking the children up from school instead of them riding the bus so we could go shopping. I reminded him that we have no money and there's still a whole lot of month left this month. That part is true, but he had some money he received for his birthday and decided that with it we were going to make Christmas happen for at least one boy and one girl in Haiti. So this afternoon with our list in hand we hit the Dollar General and began scoping out what we would buy. We got the recommended food and hygiene basics and then it was time for the good stuff. I'll have to admit that we had been leaning towards the cheap side so we could stretch our dollars. But then inspiration hit and we realized that this was some child's Christmas gift and may be the only things they received. Just because they're in need doesn't mean they should receive gifts of little quality. So we headed over to Wal-mart to find the really good toys. So much fun! We spent quite a bit of time trying to find the perfect big ticket item. Our children put so much thought into it. I loved watching them. Both of our Haitian children will receive beans, rice, tuna fish, peanut butter, fruit gummy snacks, underwear, socks, hygiene products, school supplies, small toys/games, etc. Our boy will receive a heavy-duty chevy truck pulling a trailer loaded down with a John Deere tractor and our girl will receive the Princess & the Frog doll with accessories in its own little zippered pouch. Some of Johnmark's friends from another church will be leaving in a couple of weeks to fly all this down and place the collected gifts right into the hands of a missionary there. This keeps the Haitian government from getting their corrupt hands on it. It would only be better if Johnmark could see the children receiving their gifts. He's striving to encourage our church members to take on this project themselves. I don't know where the Lord will be leading us in the near future, but I do know that He has stirred in our hearts the importance of missions at home and abroad. (I do know that I dreamed the other night that I was packing this house up, not to sell, but to close it up because we were going to be gone for a while. Keep in mind that in November of 2007 I kept getting a "sense" to get the house ready to sell and Johnmark surrendered to the ministry in January. But, one final note lest anyone worries, we aren't candidates for the IMB mainly because of the age of our children. I don't know what to think really....we may be here for quite a while longer or we may not...we're leaving it in God's hands.) Oh, one more thing, don't feel badly that he used his birthday money because he's still got his gift certificate from us for the Smoky Mountain Knife Works to be used in November.

Just for Fun Pictures

2010-09-13T22:01:00.000-05:00

Rebeka and her friends at PBC.

Aaron on his daddy's new web cam.

Anchors Aweigh!

2010-09-10T16:29:00.000-05:00

This post is all about my kids...so exit now if you're not interested.
Rebeka was "tapped" yesterday for Anchor Club and had to wear an enormous letter A all day that was made by her "big sister." This morning she had to meet her big sister at Whataburger at 5:30 am for breakfast and then head to the high school by 6:30 so her big sister could dress her for the day. Once dressed she then had to stand out and greet the cars and buses coming into the school. During the day she had to dance and sing on demand to a little tune about Anchor girls similar to Katy Perry's California Gurls. I did not see her again after 5:30 and was a little unnerved when this beast tried to get into my car at the high school pick up area. She is at this moment scrubbing and detangling so she can make herself presentable for work tonight at her first Anchor event. Beka is excited about all this to say the least. Not to be left out, Mr. Aaron was chosen yesterday for the Builder Club but there is no right of passage or initiation for middle schoolers. He will have to wait until Key Club in high school for all that. Pictures follow.

Addendum on Cyberspace

2010-09-07T15:07:00.000-05:00

I just had to add this....
having the internet has also not only helped me keep in touch, but the kids too. And my mama and I communciate more. In the past we talked about every two weeks by phone, sometimes more, sometimes less. But now the children have access too. I just spent an hour instant messaging with mom and it's nothing unusual for me to holler out to Beka or Aaron to get off the computer only for them to holler back, "but we're talking to MeMe!" How can I argue with that? They feel like someone else besides their daddy and me care about their day and school and what they're doing and they get to have relationships with family and others apart from me instead of through me. It's really great for them. They no longer feel so isolated or overlooked.

On a lighter note....

2010-09-04T11:55:00.000-05:00

My sweetie just purchased his very first computer. It's amusing and annoying at the same time. I've spent most of the morning working on it and installing stuff for him. He thought he was going to come home with this magical machine and rub it in that his was better than mine. So sorry about his luck....because it's not! I've mercilessly teased him about that fact too. The kids are just dying watching him use it and his pitiful typing abilities. Oh, well, we are just so glad to have another one. Rebeka and I have spent the morning facebooking each other and laughing about the fact that we no longer have to speak to each other in the same house. The newness will wear off soon.

Burdened

2010-09-04T11:35:00.000-05:00

I wish this could be a happier post, but instead it is a plea for prayer. I don't share a lot about the ministry unless I'm really frustrated and need to be sarcastic or we've just encountered something amazing and need to share. This is not one of those times. I can't share a lot about this. All I can say is we encounter hurting people on an everyday basis. This time it is devastating and something we have been dealing with for over a year. Last night it escalated. We hurt because we love them. We hurt because we have been there and this hits really close to home. We hurt because they are more than just members of the church - they have become our dear friends. I want to make it better and I can't. I wish I had a quick fix and I don't. All I can do is walk along beside them, hold them, pray with them, and offer what few words of wisdom I have. The ministry is not a 9-5 job, it is a 24/7/365 one. Pray for our hurting loved ones. Pray for us to not grow weary. Pray we have the right words and actions. Pray for us to have balance.

Blogs, Facebook, Email

2010-08-24T06:44:00.000-05:00

Been having some struggles lately. What's new? Won't bother you with all the gory details, but will say that some things both personal and relational have really, really been upsetting for me. I thank God for the people I stay connected with online. Being in the ministry here means I have yet to connect with anyone I can pour myself out to and then trust. So, I've become heavily dependent on the cyber world. This weekend I was so blessed by some postings of a couple different people. They may not know it, but what they said and the scripture they quoted hit home. It was no coincidence, and, of that, I am positive. God used what they had shared to open my eyes. (Just goes to prove preacher husband that the internet is not necessarily of the devil unless you are browsing Cabelas.com!)

Misc. Musings

2010-08-19T13:57:00.000-05:00

We're nearing our first full week of school. So far, so good. Still trying to adjust to the newness.
Looking forward to the weekend. I think we're making homemade pizza and doing a movie one night.
Wedding shower on Sunday. Still have to make the gift. Going to try my hand at glass etching. We'll see how it goes. Really looking forward to the start of a new church year. Finally got my Girls in Action stuff settled into a permanent room last night and set up for this year's theme - Anchors Aweigh. It's really cute, if I do say so myself (thank you Beall's Outlet and the church storage room). Will be starting an Acteens group too. Still trying to iron all that out. Found a new DVD series from one of the Vegie Tales guys that I'll begin using in October/November for my S.N.A.C. kids. Been toying with the idea of these videos, but then was finally able to watch one while I was waiting on Johnmark in Lifeway the other day. They're fast paced so my older kids will be okay with them and there is so much good basic teaching in each segment - stuff regular attending church children ( and even adults) should know, but I'm finding that they don't.
Johnmark and I sat down to hammer out our calendar for the last half of this year. It took about an hour to an hour and a half. All I can say is..sigh! We promised we weren't going to do it, but we did. We're booked solid. So solid in fact that he told me last night that he is canceling one of the events he had planned - woo hoo!
On that note I am craving fall and can see little hints of it already even if we are still suffering from some of the worst heat and humidity I've seen in a long time. Looking forward to decorating, fires, soups, and jackets. Never thought I would say this - but bring on the football and hunting! Fall is my hands down favorite time of year and I am eagerly anticipating it's arrival.
And, on a final note...one of my professors told me this week that I looked way too young to be the mama of a teen and preteen. Yep, she's my new favorite!

Out of Sorts

2010-08-12T10:04:00.000-05:00

The calendar doesn't agree, but today summer is officially over for us. The alarm sounding off at 5 am signaled the start of a brand new school year. With it comes some changes. Changes that will take quite a bit of time getting used to. Besides Rebeka being a sophomore and Aaron entering 7th grade, they are both now bus riders. For me that means tons of extra time on my hands. I'm a little nervous about that and extremely excited also. No more killing time in town in order to save another trip. No more trying to find something to occupy my time. What a relief. I can be home doing home things. Home doing church things. Home doing school things. Home doing me things. I'm not so sure what my days will entail, but I am looking forward to them and will have a better idea come Monday. Monday marks the start of another semester for me and Johnmark. I've already browsed through a syllabus or two. All I can say is....groan. So today I remain a little out of sorts as I'm wondering what to do with myself and biting my nails until the children come home and I can hear about their day. It's been 4 long hours since they left and I've got several long hours to go. I've caught up on a few things, including my own school stuff (side note: just received a scholarship for the next two semesters. It's a big deal for me because it allows me to return to savings the money I took out for both mine and Johnmark's books and to pay Johnmark's balance and will replace my ministerial aid for next semester. So, yay!) Anyway now I'll move on to the puppies and laundry and supper and watching the clock for my babies' return.

Worth A Listen

2010-07-31T21:45:00.000-05:00

Gotta a new song I'm currently enjoying with a powerful message for our husbands. If it's not on the new "Courageous" movie soundtrack it sure should be. The lyrics are posted below.

Sanctus Real - “Lead Me”

I look around and see my wonderful life
Almost perfect from the outside
In picture frames I see my beautiful wife
Always smiling
But on the inside, I can hear her saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
They're just children from the outside
I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
They're in independent
But on the inside, I can hear them saying...

“Lead me with strong hands
Stand up when I can't
Don't leave me hungry for love
Chasing dreams, but what about us?

Show me you're willing to fight
That I'm still the love of your life
I know we call this our home
But I still feel alone”

So Father, give me the strength
To be everything I'm called to be
Oh, Father, show me the way
To lead them
Won't You lead me?

To lead them with strong hands
To stand up when they can't
Don't want to leave them hungry for love,
Chasing things that I could give up

I'll show them I'm willing to fight
And give them the best of my life
So we can call this our home
Lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

Father, lead me, 'cause I can't do this alone

First Time for Everything

2010-07-30T16:07:00.000-05:00

Today marks a milestone for me. For you, it may not be a big deal. For me it's unbelievable. Since we have moved here I have had to either go to Whataburger or to the church office to get online. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but trust me when I say it's harsh on the time and convenience. School work for all four of us bordered on impossible. I have begged, pleaded, plotted to no avail. Internet access was just not possible for us. That is until yesterday! After two very long and trying days (especially in this record-setting heat) our fabulously wonderful telephone man hooked us up. Bless him! So this is my very first blog from home!!!!!
This weekend I will move out of Johnmark's office (he's so excited to get rid of my junk) and am bringing it all home. And, in an attempt to make my life less of a hassle and to save money I have also convinced our school transportation department to allow my children to ride the bus. I'll have to drive them a mile down to the highway, but that's better than the 20+ I've been going one way. I think I'm going to really like my new reclusive life!

Another first for us since moving "north" are the opening of shelters. In the past 6 months I have seen them open for the extreme cold and today some are opening because of the extreme heat index. It's a new experience for sure.

Praying for your children

2010-07-18T16:55:00.000-05:00

Just copied this from Kimberly's blog because it spoke to me so much. I will be using this for my own children (and for the most part already have been) and will be using it for the children I work with and those who come into our lives.....

Ways to Pray for your CHILDREN

SUNDAY

That they will know Christ as Savior early in life. (Ps.63:1; 2 Tim.3:15)

That they will have a hatred for sin and evil. (Ps.97:10)

MONDAY

That they will be caught when guilty. (Ps.119:71)

That they would be protected from the evil one in each area of their lives: spiritually, emotionally, physically, etc. (Luke 2:52)

TUESDAY

That they will have a responsible attitude in all their interpersonal relationships. (Dan.6:3)

That they will respect those in authority over them. (Rom.13:1)

WEDNESDAY

That they will desire the right kinds of friends and be protected from the wrong friends. (Prov.1:10-11)

That they would be kept from the wrong mate and saved for the right one. (2 Cor.6:14-17)

THURSDAY

That they, as well as those they marry, will be kept pure until marriage. (2 Cor.6:18-20)

That they would learn to totally submit to God and actively resist Satan in all circumstances. (James 4:7)

FRIDAY

That they would be wholeheartedly sold out to serving Jesus Christ. (Rom.12:1-2)

That they would be hedged in so that they cannot find their way to wrong people, and so that wrong people cannot find their way to them. (Hos.2:6)

SATURDAY

That their children and grandchildren will know Christ as savior and serve Him with their whole heart, soul, mind, and strength. (Matt.22:37-38)

That when they leave home it would be with an eternal perspective and Christ-like values and characteristics. (Is.40:8, Col. 3:2)

4 out of 6 ain't too bad

2010-07-18T16:28:00.000-05:00

Six Cousins, 3 different locations

It's hard to get them all in the same place at the same time! (hoping to accomplish this at Christmas)

So here's highlights of the shared time amongst the oldest four in the Summer of 2010.

I love how months can go by, but they pick back up as if they only saw each other yesterday.

Fixing My Pedi

2010-07-11T16:24:00.000-05:00

Last night I treated myself to a pedicure at home, even going as far as dragging out the foot spa. If you could have seen the before you would agree that this was way past due. Now I've got to go back and redo them. Thankfully it's only figuratively speaking. Johnmark unloaded with probably the most powerful sermon yet in this morning's service. Standing at the front door I looked at him in awe and amazement and inquired just where that came from. He couldn't answer because he was spent. On the way to lunch I told him that my pretty red polish was going to have to be redone. He didn't quite get it at first until I explained that he stepped all over my feet during his sermon. His response? With a grin he informed me that it was not him, but rather the Holy Spirit. And it was. And I needed to be put under conviction. And the message was about gentleness and meekness with a side of submission and humility. And these are all things I sorely need to work on. And, I will.

Clinging to Splinters

2010-06-26T13:33:00.000-05:00

I wrote this a couple of weeks ago, was going to clean it up some and never got around to it, so here it is in its roughest form:

I did not want to go to church this morning. There. I said it. Not the first time I've felt this way. Surely it will not be the last. Just didn't want to. The church and its inhabitants can be rough on a ministry family. Oh, how I know that. (There are also tremendous blessings too.) Regardless of all that I just simply did not want to go. We decided not to worship at Fort Green. Hard to explain, but I'm just not ready for that yet. But my husband insisted that we worship somewhere. The decision as to where was a little difficult so we finally chose First Baptist Orlando - where we've attended several times before. God knew I needed that. We attended the last service for the morning and to our surprise it was geared for pastors and wives who may already be in town for the Southern Baptist Convention and Pastor's Conference. We thought we'd slip in unnoticed and just worship with thousands others anonymously. It wasn't to be. The pastor's message was completely for the ministry family and the statistics he gave for the negative impact many pastors and their families sometimes endure was staggering. The message God gave him was one of hope and endurance. The passage was from Acts and had to do with Paul's shipwreck. The lifeboats aren't for us. They're for the individual to save themselves. We are to cling to the wreckage and help others to shore. There will be much suffering and hardships. The journey will be hard. To follow His call will cost us literally everything. At the end of the message every pastor and pastor's wife was asked to stand. Ok, so we did. A little recognition. That's nice I thought. It's time for this wallflower to sit back down and get off the big screens. As we were sitting back down we were asked to remain standing. Members of the church were asked to find us, lay hands on us, and pray. They were asked to stand by us and support us. Awe struck is the only thing I can think of to describe what I experienced. Ladies I have never seen before and will probably never see again until glory came and wrapped me up, held my hand, hugged my neck, touched my arm and spoke words of love over me and for me, petitioning the Lord on my behalf that I finish this race well. Tears streamed down my face. My Father knew I needed this. My fleshly pity party had not gone unnoticed. Heaven knew I felt beat up and beaten down. Discouraged. Wondering when the next storm would come and how I would handle it. Today I no longer wonder. Before today I would probably grab the first lifeboat and get out of the sinking ship. Now, through this morning's refreshing and God's reminder that He has called us to this and will be with us all the way

First Date

2010-06-09T13:08:00.000-05:00

This weekend was a first for us. Sad to say, but it's true. Our son went on his first date....with his mama. Aaron and I have never really done anything on the fun side as just us - me and him. He's usually out and about with his hero - dear, old dad. And Aaron just really doesn't like to go places. He's rather content at home (where he knows I'm always good for a game of rummy or phase 10 because no one else will play with us) or the nearby woods. Unless there's a possibility that there might be a stop at a Cabela's or Bass Pro you might as well leave the boy at home for your sake and his. He's leaving me this summer. Three whole weeks my baby will be gone. I have never, ever been away from either of my children for more than 5 or 6 days. Now I'm facing 21. He'll be home for one week before he's off again. Doesn't make me real happy. I'm a little anxious in fact. So Sunday afternoon we just had some "us" time. Dad usually frowns upon missing church for whatever reason. But Beka was already committed to a day of her training and Sunday night was not going to be a regular service anyhow. Knowing how uneasy I have been about our little absentee Johnmark readily granted permission for us to skip out on church and so we did. While Beka was getting geared up on how to handle her first audition my little man and I found a quaint little theater in Pensacola where the tickets were only $4.50 - about half of what we normally pay - and entertained ourselves with the new Shrek. With more time to kill we drove around and explored and just talked. I won't share our conversation except to say he's becoming less and less a little boy which saddens me and makes me proud of the young man he's becoming at the same time. There's a depth to him that is rare to see in other boys his age. So our "date" together was good and something I hope we can do more often.
Now to where he will be for three weeks. With grandparents of course. Johnmark and I were bemoaning this fact the other night because we know vast amounts of reprogramming await us upon his return home. Johnmark even looked at me and questioned whether this was a good idea or not - he was only joking of course - I think so anyway. Some of our best childhood memories are of time spent with grandparents and hopefully so will Aaron's. Beka will spend a week with them and would spend more, but she's a teenager with a life that is growing busier each day. It's training and basketball and time with friends and thankfully, no first dates for her just yet.

These Days

2010-05-26T13:52:00.000-05:00

Some days I want to run screaming. Others I just want to run away and hide. Then there are those days that peak out and just simply take your breath away. I have been blessed to have a couple of those lately. Nothing special or remarkable about them for the casual observer. But for me they were perfect. Mondays are usually a day off for Johnmark and lately they haven't been. Our budget didn't allow for anything too much this past Monday, yet he needed a break and to get away. We scraped up what little bit of money we had between us and set off to Tractor Supply. Not the most romantic of places I'll agree. However, it was just what the doctor ordered. We needed a few things for the animals. We did some browsing and some reminiscing. We were two counties away from home so we could just relax and be ourselves without being pastor and wife for the day. Lunch was at Wendy's. After picking up the children from school it was home for supper and some front porch sitting. It was the perfect "date" day for me. Totally relaxed and stress free. Tuesday was just as good as we began our day with our small group Bible study and prayer for the church before heading out for some visiting. We were able to make several and each place we went to seemed to be perfectly orchestrated by God. For a while I wondered who exactly was doing the ministering. These visits are for Johnmark to spend time with church members, to encourage and pray with them, and to check on their needs among other things. Yet yesterday the roles seemed a little blurred for me. I think I was ministered to the most. I love watching Johnmark in action and I love the interaction and intimacy of a home visit. I also love the great stories I hear along the way. ( I'm always up for a good story!) Some visits were casual and others had great burdens they needed to talk about. Yesterday was about laughing and crying and talking and praying. It is one of my most favorite things about being in the ministry. The children usually don't take part, but we made an exception yesterday. They went with us in the afternoon on two visits. At one home they spent some time down at the lake because some privacy was needed. After a time of tears with one dear lady and then prayer came the laughter as we looked out the window and saw Rebeka in a stand-off with her fierce goose and Aaron attempting rescue. We let them sweat it out for a while, and let them be chased a little too, before I headed out to intervene. Comic relief that I am quite certain was heaven sent. Our last visit was supposed to be brief and turned in to a little over four hours! The children loved it. I was afraid they were going to get antsy and complain to go. What a relief that they didn't. I think it probably had something to do with before and after supper ice cream with pizza in between and some tractors and some books. Just guessing. It was good for them to be involved and to see and hear what is involved in the ministry - an investment of our time, sometimes our resources, and our love, and in people.
Now just in case you're wandering, the answer is no that we do not spend every day together. Wednesdays I stay home most of the day and then come in mid-day to prepare for Wednesday nights, Thursdays I'm normally at home doing housewife/mom stuff, and unless I'm in school on Fridays, more of the same. Saturdays are up in the air and I bet you can guess what our Sundays consist of.
It isn't glamorous. It tends to be simple. It can be grueling mentally and spiritually at times. It has its perks. It has its downs. This our life - the one chosen for us. And these days it's been good.

Whew! and then Sigh!

2010-05-21T14:27:00.000-05:00

Just checked my grades and I might make it to the Dean's List again after all. Waiting on one more professor to post my final and book review grades (and I'm biting my nails while enduring the wait). The one class I was just hoping for a C in - Ethics with Dr. Rathel - I ended up with an A. Yay me! How sweet is that?
Anyway in celebration of one more semester under our belts we took a little pleasure day this past Saturday and headed to Dothan. Of course, it ended up turning in to church business too, but that's a post for another day. I was just glad to make it to the fiction book sale at Lifeway. Had a little "me" money stashed away and spent it in fun and anticipation as I loaded up on some Summer reading. I am so looking forward to this. New books! Books on the shelf that I want to reread! Books on the shelf waiting to be read! What's a girl to do. Next week maybe I can post a list of recommended reading from all of this. Discovered some new authors recently that I think some of you may like too.
But - this is the sigh part - I've got some major cleaning and furniture rearranging and yard work to do. Fell a little behind and now it's time to pay my dues. Our house wasn't fully complete until last August about the time that school started and then basketball and then the holidays and then vacation and then some more school and then some more busyness. So it's time to get to work! I want it all complete before we leave for the SBC in a few weeks. I had a panic attack when Johnmark told me that his mother almost paid us a surprise visit a few weekends ago. I would have been mortified if she or even my own mother had seen our living conditions while we were wrapped up in research papers and finals and children and church work and hospital visits. My stomach still hurts just thinking about it! You would understand if you ever saw either of our mothers' spotless, beautifully decorated homes and yards. Never fear. It will be spotless before she gets here in July. (Hint to Carol, surprise Johnmark and the children, but please, please, please, at least let me know.) Got a head start last night with some yard work. I dug up over 100 daffodil bulbs with more to go! I've got some replanted and am determined that they will bloom next Spring.
Doesn't it say somewhere that the pastor's home should always be spotless and ready for guests? Once again I have failed. :) Sigh.

Oh, Mercy, Me...has it really been...?

2010-05-13T13:32:00.000-05:00

Yes, it has! Almost 2 months since I last posted. There is so much to catch up on! But right now I am giddy beyond belief because I just finished my last exam for the semester. This has been one that kicked my rear. Can't say that I enjoyed it all that much, but I did get most of the required "have to whether you want to" classes out of the way. I am real excited about next semester with a couple of easy classes on the schedule plus a couple of ones that are already intimidating me (like the one with Dr. Kinchen, yikes!). Johnmark should have an easy one also which greatly relieves me because with this semester's 10, yes,10, classes between us I am utterly and assuredly POOPED!
Anyway, met with Bek's advisor this morning and we have her all settled for next year and it looks like it will have its challenges. Her sophomore year will not be easy breezy, but we are working to make her senior year a blast - or at least we hope. Aaron just finished round one with football and he's got the bruises, scrapes, and vomit on the field to prove it. I am over the top proud of him for sticking in there even when his asthma had him sitting under the trees or his lunch had found its way back up. He and I had what I am sure will be the first of many, shall we say, challenges this week. Not really sure who won, but he's back to being human again and overly sweet and helpful to the one who brought him forth into this world. His favorite teacher waited in the pick up line with him on Monday just so she could tell me what a joy he is to have and wanted to know if I would consider cloning him. It was nice to hear such positve affirmation when so many others just can't wait to tell you all the negative (grrr). What is so special about her is that she is his language arts teachers and she told him last summer that she would be his favorite teacher and her class would be his favorite class. He was determined to prove her wrong....and he lost. He loves her, he loves the class, and, drum roll please, he loves to read. Finally! What a joy that is to his bookaholic mother's heart! So, all you former teachers, any ideas on an affordable great gift for her would be greatly appreciated.

On a final note....this has just really made me laugh this week. I suppose that I have fallen behind on what some feel that I should be doing. Maybe I should audit PW 101 to refresh myself. I've had 2, not one, but 2, different children tell me lately that there are certain things that should be my job just because I am the preacher's wife. Really? I did not know. They weren't being catty, but rather sincere. But I am sure they are only repeating what they have heard. Anyway, it gave me a much needed laugh. Kimberly I bought that book for the PW you recommended and can't wait to start it soon. Maybe it will help me get a clue! :)

On the Horizon

2010-03-31T18:20:00.000-05:00

Look's like just when I thought our lives might settle down to normal, things are changing again. Both of our children have been presented opportunities recently that have them excited and our home life turned upside down. I am so proud of them both and hope I will remember to say this to myself when I'm ready to collapse from the sheer exhaustion of being their chauffer and schedule keeper (more than I already am now). And because we're fixing to embark on something totally different and perhaps a little bit hectic we have stressed to them that we must keep God first in our personal lives and always honor Him. No matter how crazy we get, we must make time every day for our own personal and family worship times. So, I may need y'all to be my accountability group for this, and, as always, we covet your prayers.

A Glimpse of Victory

2010-03-23T10:28:00.000-05:00

There is no doubt that Rebeka is my defiant one and has been from her very first breath. In fact, we tease her that her name is just another version of rebel. Many years ago she loved to read and in fact would go around the house with a book in her hand as she did her chores (kind of like Belle). Then one day she discovered that reading is my passion and that I was thrilled that she like to read too. So she just up and quit. Cold turkey. She was having nothing of it. No way, no how. Many battles were waged, but without my gaining any ground. So I wisely left it alone. This past year - after a several year drought - she began reading again. Again, she goes around with a constant book close at hand. And, this time, wisely, I have said very little. Sometimes I inquire what she is reading and am appalled at what is in print for teens to read. Some of it would make Nora Roberts blush. So we've had some discussion on wise choices and what is appropriate and what simply isn't. On this, thankfully, she has taken heed. However, I've tried making some recommendations, which she has soundly rejected, preferring instead just plain old fluff. And then the day finally came! She was assigned "To Kill a Mockingbird" in her English Honors class. There was a little grumpiness and general defiance at first. Then she just fell head over heels. She knew I had just reread it again for the 5th or 6th time over Christmas and began to discuss it with me. Did you catch that? I did not initiate the conversation, she did! And, yes, afterwards I snuck off to do a little victory dance. The other night our entire dinner conversation was about this book. Johnmark kept looking at me because he knew that inside my inner bookworm was doing ecstatic back flips.We talked about everything from how Johnmark is the epitome of Atticus to how Hannah reminds of us Scout and what certain things may or may not mean. You get the picture. It was hard to contain my excitement and enthusiasm. Beka has even completed most of her assignments a week ahead of schedule because she has delved deep into this one. (This is so not like her - she either hands in her assignments at the very last second or is willing to take the late penalty. Again, this is defiance, not procrastination.) We talked about how Harper Lee grew up in Alabama only about 2 hours from here and that Truman Capote did too. And, yes, she knows Truman Capote well because she has had to suffer through my reading of "A Christmas Memory" for a few years at Christmas. I think this year she may be a bit more enthusiastic. Since our trip to Tiffany's in New York, she's interested in reading and seeing his "Breakfast at Tiffany's". She is now planning our road trip to Monroeville. Inwardly, I'm still celebrating, but around The Defiant One, a poker face remains in place.

Browns Hit the Town

2010-03-21T18:38:00.000-05:00

Oh, what joy divine. We got to take a little sidetrip from our ministry lives and student lives this past Friday. We got to just be the Browns - a normal(ok, I'm kidding no one), American family. As soon as the children were out of school for the weekend we headed to Dothan for a little Easter shopping, a visit with our friends, dinner at Chick-Fil-A, and, drum roll please, a movie! Johnmark and Aaron saw Diary of a Wimpy Kid and Rebeka and I saw Alice in Wonderland. Both are highly recommended. Two thumbs up - well make that four. We didn't get home until 1 am and weren't fit for killing all day Saturday. It was great!

Armor of God

2010-03-10T13:32:00.000-06:00

I just finished Johnmark's powerpoint for tonight's Bible study and I had to delete one slide from a previous week. They've been looking at the Armor of God for some time now and have finally made it to the helmet of salvation. While looking for clip art I came across this, thought it was hilarious, and he told me to slip it in just for laughs. So I thought I would share...

All You Really Need...

2010-03-10T12:45:00.000-06:00

Johnmark and I have come to the sad conclusion that the best training for the ministry isn't seminary, but about a semester's worth of Jerry Springer and/or Steve Wilkos. I can't even expound on this. Sigh. I'll just let you draw your own conclusions.

Sentimental Side Trip

2010-03-09T09:40:00.002-06:00

We made a point as we were traveling home from New York to find the house in Tazewell, Virginia that Johnmark's great-grandfather built and that his beloved grandmother, June, lived in as a child. The current owners allowed Johnmark to come inside (Rebeka and I stayed in the Tahoe because we were so embarrased by the fact that he has no problem doing things like this!). The new owners have done some remodeling, but a lot of the original features of the house remain intact. While going through the attic they found the newspaper Aaron's holding. The date on it puts it into the time frame of when Grandmother lived there. So we are pretty sure that it belonged to her. How cool is that? We didn't get to bring it home, but they were gracious enough to let Johnmark ask questions and take numerous pictures. Afterwards we drove around the little town and tried to imagine June there as a child. This stop was just another memorable moment of our family vacation.

Commercials

2010-03-09T09:23:00.000-06:00

This has nothing to do with being a pastor's wife, it's just about what makes me smile really big or actually laugh out loud. Since I was a little girl, I've had this fascinaiton for commercials. TV was no big deal, but when I heard the commercials come on I'd stop what I was doing and zip right in there. Not much has changed in all these years and this is a particular character trait that has been taken up by my children. So here are my recent top three that I will stop everything to go and watch no matter how many times I've seen them. 1. Scion - what could be better than sock monkey doing aerial flips on his jet ski or riding a mechanical bull? 2. Boost - seeing a child dressed up in a dog suit in a dog cage just kills me. Hilarious! Sick, I know. 3. etrade - all of them are side-splitting, but my new fave is the milkaholic accusation. Milk-a-who? It's just too much!

Going Dark

2010-03-03T10:52:00.000-06:00

Due to some breach of trust issues and some rumors I am heavily restricting this blog. Y'all should have received emails and instructions on what to do if you want to be a visitor here. That's all, thanks.

Will continue to post pics of our Christmas vacation if anyone's interested...I finally uploaded all the pics from my camera and still have to do Beka's.

Aaron & Beka's Best of NYC...the Subway and Tiffany's

2010-03-02T10:40:00.000-06:00

Squirrel Hunting in Sunday School

2010-03-01T13:25:00.000-06:00

There is absolutely nothing like a child to uplift your spirit. Yesterday, I was in great need of some major spiritual uplifting and it came in the form of 2 toddlers and 1 crawler. I have the duties of nursery during the Sunday School hour and yesterday I was down to only 3. But I was so incredibly blessed by them. After our 30 second Bible story (that's about all they can stand) we sat down to our snack. One of my boys excitedly asked if I heard that. I didn't know what "that" was so I asked. "It's a squirrel!" So off we went on our morning adventure of squirrel hunting, leaving the cookies and juice behind. These two little boys have huge imaginations - ginormous! After we exhausted our efforts on the squirrels we then had to go into the crib room to get our horses so we could be cowboys. I think I had the most fun and I bet that no other nursery Sunday School class in any other church went squirrel hunting yesterday morning. Just thinking about it makes me smile!

Keep praying.....I don't have any specifics because there really aren't any. We're starting to see some real growth not just in numbers but in people's hearts. Before we went to DC and NYC, Johnmark asked if I was prepared for what was to come because Satan will not leave spiritual growth in any church alone. I assured him I was, but how do you prepare for what you can't see? Prayer - please don't stop.

Calling All Prayer Warriors

2010-02-28T16:55:00.000-06:00

I know some of you already are and do on a regular basis, but please, please pray for us. Not our marriage, that's great. Not our family unit, that's great. Just pray for us in a ministry aspect that we can continue to stand firm and remain obedient to God's call and what His Word says is right and truth. And that we can bear the storms that are brewing.

Daffy Daffodils

2010-02-23T13:44:00.000-06:00

To make a long story short, most of you know our home was overgrown and in desperate need of remodeling, and all of that has taken place and we moved in a little over a year ago. When we first bought the house I went through the yard like a mad woman, trimming, burning, digging up, raking, tearing down, etc. Since then we've been a little on the excited side to see what pops up and blooms. Last year in late winter/early spring the yard was full of daffodils. Every where we turned they were popping up in clumps. But none of them, not one single one, bloomed. I was a little let down. This year they all came back up, and Johnmark even found new ones behind the old barn that he and Aaron just tore down. Guess what? We've been anxiously awaiting their beautiful yellow blooms. So far, just one, lonely daffodil has shone it's loveliness in the yard. I'm not sure what to do. Do I divide them? Get rid of some? What? Any advice? I'm not sure, but seems like there is some sort of analogy brewing in all this too! Kind of like Jesus' parable of the soils.

Hearts, Snow, and Chick-Fil-A

2010-02-14T08:54:00.000-06:00

I really despise Valentine's Day. It's just all the pressure and all the sappy Kay Jewelers commercials. This weekend has been exceptional, however, to a holiday I usually try to boycott. Friday we had enormous snowflakes...in Florida. I just could not wipe the goofy child-like grin off my face all day. My first class was dismissed early with our professor telling us to "go play in the snow." None of us were paying attention anyhow. We asked him to contact our next professor for us to inquire about class and about 10 minutes later he called with the same advice - go play! So we did! With an entire day to kill we took off to Dothan just for fun. Which translates into no church errands and no trying to yet again find clothes for the super model daughter (they don't make clothes for skinny giraffes!). So our Valentine's "date" consisted of walking around the mall and then eating at one of our favorites - Chick-Fil-A. It was so simple, so not pressured, and so totally enjoyable! We picked up the children from school which in itself was priceless in watching the wonder and awe as these teens and preteens experienced what was for some their first snow. We came home, played in the snow, walked up the hill to take care of the horse, and then layed around all lazy-like for the rest of the evening. Perfect! Saturday was much of the same with the exception of dining out with the entire Patterson family in celebration of Brother Patterson's birthday. And his special day is something to celebrate because he is such a blessing in our lives. Then this morning my sweetie pie of nearly 17 years (yikes! has it really been that long?) surprised me once again. Waiting for me in my Sunday School room was roses and white chocolate. Tonight we'll have a little sweetheart banquet at church. So all in all a simple and perfect Valentine's weekend. They don't come often and this is definitely one to treasure.

Milestones, Memories, and one Proud Mama

2010-02-02T08:48:00.000-06:00

It's been two years since our journey began, and as most of you already know, I really had no trouble leaving. I was excited to get away and begin again. My biggest concern was our children and the effects such a momentous move and lifestyle upheaval was going to have on them. Again and again I petitioned God on their behalf. He has been faithful to answer my prayers.The timing in everything was perfect and their adjustment has been nearly so. Recently, we had to return to our old hometown. Under the circumstances I was concerned that this might be the first time they showed some regrets. Not so. While they were glad to see some family members and Aaron wanted to stay just one more day so his Meme could spoil him a little more, they were both ready to return to their home in the north Florida woods. We have made our life here and they both are more than content in it. (It just goes back to how vehemently Johnmark and I have fought to uphold our little unit of four - that we are home wherever the four of us are gathered and in our midst we find our retreat and our sanctuary).
As usual I've rambled far too long just to say this....I am so utterly thankful for how God has blessed us and especially the children. I am so proud of them and how each of them is discovering their own place. For Rebeka she has found herself in basketball. While she still has a long way to go on developing her skills, in it she has found her "voice" and gained a whole new sense of confidence and responsibility. This week she will dress out with the varsity during play-offs and while she may not see any court time, instead being the best watergirl she can be :), she is still extremely honored and proud. (Only 3 of the JV girls have the privilege of donning varsity jerseys this week!!!). My little man, who still bestows numerous surprise hugs daily on his Mama, is still filling his way around, but in him we see such a developing servant's heart. He helps me get ready in the mornings and on Sundays he comes and sits on the bed while I do my make-up. This is our time. This past Sunday when I was just about finished our eyes met in the mirror and he said, "You're looking good this morning, Mama." Such words to cherish for a lifetime! At the church he has taken on a variety of chores that no one even knows he does. It's just something he likes to do. He wants to be involved and he wants to help. Then there's his daddy, who Aaron thinks walks on water. They've diligently been hunting for the past two seasons with nothing to show for their efforts. Saturday morning as I heard the truck pull in and saw Aaron's grin as they passed by the window I knew there was success. Aaron had his first buck and we've only got about 25 pictures to prove it. His and Johnmark's grins about split their faces open and then they had to call Papa and Poppy.
Our lives are blessed and I am thankful for these moments and that God has worked out our situation where I can just be mommy and wife and helpmeet and student. Some don't understand why I don't seek employment. It's simple...there will be time for that, but right now I'm trading the french manicure, and highlights, and new clothes, and the extra spending money for some things that we will never have time for again.

And the Two Shall Be One

2010-01-07T15:37:00.000-06:00

It seems like lately marriages all around us are falling apart at a rapid rate. Even our own takes its hits from time to time. Sometimes ours gets devastatingly neglected while attempts are being made to save that of others. It's just part of the territory. It can all be rather depressing. Satan seeks to destroy. The battle is constant. If he can destroy a marriage and a family, especially one of believers, then he can most certainly get a foothold in the church and destroy it. We have forgotten how sacred those vows are and how sacred the institution of marriage is. We care more about what the world says marriage should look like instead of what God's Word says. My heart is breaking. But then God reveals His glory, His mercy, and His grace. We've recently seen a marriage restored when there seemed to be no hope and the couple came to know Christ as their Savior. We've seen others become so broken after years of neglect and pride that they're now willing to do whatever it takes to save their family. This afternoon my heart delighted even through the heartache as we visited with a couple whose marriage is coming to an end, not through divorce, but through the impending death of one spouse. As they shared with us the doctor's prognosis of a month or two at best there was no anguish or despair. There was laughter and peace. They sat there and made jabs at each other and joked around. This wasn't an act or a smokescreen to disguise they're pain. It was genuine! What an example of love they set for us today. Recently, one of them revealed to me that they had sought to end the marriage several years ago and the other spouse fought to uphold their vows and refused to destroy their family. I thought today of what they would have missed. Yes, there has been pain, and there will be more pain as they face the end. But it has been worth it. As we left, with our hearts so full and overwhelmed with their news and their love for each other, I turned to Johnmark and told him that's what I want for us. When we are faced with the other's departure I want it to be full of peace and love and laughter. No regrets. No regrets. Randy told us last night that love is a choice and I choose it.

Christmas Reflections

2009-12-25T22:35:00.000-06:00

There's been no schedule to adhere to or juggling who to go see when. For us there was no big dinner or mounds of gifts to wade through. It's been the first time where we've just been our little unit of four. Dinner was on our own with a room full of strangers. The tree was miniscule. The gifts were few. The weather, frigid. Our hearts, full. Tradition this will not become. Respite from the usual and daily greatly needed. Next year we'll be with family and friends. For this year we wander through this beautiful city of white. Rebeka pondered on how we could expect to return to a life of rural, provincial living. And that is our gift to both Rebeka and Aaron. They won't return the same. That is what we intended all along.

ok, so I'm a thief

2009-11-30T13:25:00.000-06:00

Kimberly posted this on her blog recently and I just read it today. I really, really needed these words and thought I'd share in case you might too! So even though the words aren't mine, nor is the original idea of posting them in a blog, here they are anyway. Thanks, Kimberly, for the inspiration. Your blog always, always makes me feel better.

The Call to a Holy Life
(Mother Theresa)

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

"This is What it Feels Like"

2009-11-30T10:51:00.002-06:00

Never thought I'd be buying a blanket for a horse. But with the nasty turn of weather we're expecting this weekend and since our horse is a South Florida girl with no means to escape the elements, I found myself purchasing one this morning. Johnmark hollered out to me just before he left to purchase another rope halter and lead rope for her also. One of dear little Misty's favorite past times is to see how quickly she can rear back and snap the lead rope once you've tied her up for grooming, saddling, transporting, etc. There's a spiritual lesson to be found here as I wonder how many times I've reared back and snapped God's lead rope out of my own selfishness, pride, stubborness, sin.... FFH has a new song out 'This is What it Feels Like' that so deeply resonates with me. It talks about being led by God and depending on Him and willingly giving it all up to Him. It is just such a "WOW" moment for me every time I hear it because if I was a song writer these are so the words I would choose to describe the journey of our lives since January 2008. Since then, I've had my rearing back and snapping moments and realized I can not do it on my own, I must be led because it is better that way. It is so much sweeter to be led by God and depend on Him. I had the honor and privilege of counseling with a very dear woman yesterday about this same thing. We talked about being in God's perfect will verses His permissive will. How much better our lives are when we daily walk with Him and in His ways...when we allow Him to lead. So what keeps me from being led always and being in His perfect will? Me and my sins. It should never be my agenda, what I want, my way, me, me, me, but, unfortunately it usually is. Like others I want to promote myself and my wants and my works and my desires. I forget Who I work for. I forget for Whose glory it should be. Johnmark spoke a few words of praise on my behalf during church yesterday and, yes, I really liked hearing them, especially publicly. It's always nice to be recognized and thanked. BUT, that should never be why I do what I do. It should be all for Him, His glory, and the advancement of His kingdom. This is my prayer for today - Psalms 139:23-24(NIV). I encourage you to look it up and may it be your prayer also.

The song lyrics:
So this is what if feels like to walk the wilderness
and this is what if feels like to come undone
So this is what if feels like to loose my confidence
unsure of anything or anyone
So this is what if feels like to walk the desert sand
and this is what if feels like to hear my name
and to be scared to death cause I'm all alone
but feel love and peace just the same
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what if feels like to be led
So this is what if feels like to have it fall apart
to be totally unglued
and find out if I accept my brokenness
I get more of me, I get all of you
If this is what if feels like to be on shaky ground
Careful of every step I take
Realizing as I stop to look around
I look around and see everything a different way
and this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
cause I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
So this is what if feels like to be led
and this is what if feels like to be led
So this is what if feels like to just walk away
from everything I thought kept me safe
to depend just on you for every meal
and find it's better this way
oh it's better this way
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
like i do right now
And this may not be the road I would choose for me
but it still feels right somehow
And I have never felt you as close to me as I do right now
And this is what if feels like to be led
And this is what if feels like to be led
And this is what if feels like

Despite it All...

2009-11-29T16:07:00.002-06:00

Our little Thanksgiving break wasn't exactly what we had planned or desired. We wanted some quality family time, rest time, shopping time, fun time. That isn't exactly what we got. I woke up with a sore throat last Sunday which turned into some upper respiratory funk that I just can not shake. Rebeka ended up with 2 days of practice, in the middle of the day at that, and so we had to do some schedule rearranging pretty quick. My parents came in a day early and so I quickly had to clean while raging with fever (thank you, Bek and Air, for all your help even under protest). Tuesday evening found us having Thanksgiving dinner as a church family and this time we did it a little different. Everything was served up family style at each table and although it was a lot of extra work for the kitchen crew it really did turn out great. Thanks, Chastity, for heading it up and seeing it through. Wednesday we took my parents to Graceville so they could see the college and then we went to Dothan to eat at Cracker Barrel. Little did we know then that this would be our only Thanksgiving meal. Early Thursday morning my mama woke me to tell me they were leaving and heading home. WHAT????!!!!!! That is not something you want to be told at 2:30 am on Thanksgiving day. Daddy came with some of this same funk that I am suffering from, but his took a severe turn for the worse in the middle of the night, leaving him fighting to breathe. Fearing pneumonia they wanted to be home and close to their medical doctors even though we were all begging for them to stay and see a doctor here and then to let us drive them home. No doing (do you kind of see where I get my stubborness, do it myself attitude from?)! So they left, I was still horribly sick, Rebeka starts throwing up later that morning, Johnmark goes to work serving community meals, and the children and I laid up on the pull out bed. Kind of depressing, wouldn't you say? The boys finally made it out later that day to hunt. So, what made us "thankful" for this past week, here are some bright spots... Daddy does not have pneumonia, only acute bronchitis (like that's better) I got to see my parents, granny and sister, and that's always good we didn't do hardly anything which only serves to make us eager for the week ahead my parents presented Aaron with my brother's hunting rifle and through my flood of tears the grin on Aaron's face was unbelievably priceless my parents gave Beka a new camera, which I've already threatened to take away :) we got to watch some football!!!!! we saw not one, but 2 movies!!!!! (unheard of for my hubby, but it was his idea!) we were together being sick, cooped up, and deflated plans all tend to make me ill, so imaging all 3 combined...I'm so thankful for a forgiving family (they've had to put up with a lot this week) God's Holy Spirit never ceases to amaze me - after the week we've had, it was great to be in worship this morning. There was an air of tension and hidden agenda floating about. At first, I got a little mad and upset, but then I got a little nudge from the Lord and I gave it all to Him. He took over and today was one of the sweetest worship services and times of fellowship that I've got to experience over the last few weeks. If only I had paid attention to that little nudge last week, then my family may not have had to suffer through so much because mama didn't feel good! :) Anyway, despite it all, we still had a great week together even if it wasn't what we had planned. Thank you, Lord!

Brave Lady

2009-11-17T08:10:00.007-06:00

That's my Beka! She was determined to play basketball this year even with her extreme deficit of skills. She's stuck to it and last night was her first game playing as number 24 for the junior varsity Walton Lady Braves. For the first two periods she had the deer-in-the-headlights look about her and even suffered from a severe verbal lashing from her coach (that was so hard for me to take!!!!). She got her act together, took a girl down to the ground in a fight for the ball (while I was cheering her eagerly on with shouts of "Fight, Beka, Fight!") and she has a bruised hand to show it, and in the final period of the game her desperate struggles to get the ball to a teammate resulted in her just shooting for the basket where the ball bounced off the rim and surprised us all by making it in! Two points! WooHoo! After the game was when she made me the proudest. I asked her about the very public and very rough "correction" by her coach and these were her words...."Mama, I messed up, I deserved it, he had every right to get on me, and I needed it." That, my dear readers, is my brave lady!

Here's a few pictures for you to enjoy. Tonight we are on the road to Chipley.

Oh, and the Lady Braves defeated the Freeport Bulldogs 28-12!!!!

Nothing Stays the Same....Ch - Ch- Changes

2009-11-03T13:54:00.002-06:00

Ann will apprecitate that blast from the past song phrase! Yes, it's true nothing stays the same. Little changes around our house seemingly come every day. One is that as of this year trick-or-treating became a relic of history that we won't get to revisit until the day we have grandchildren and that's a maybe. It was a little sad. No costumes. No candy. Sigh. We no longer shop for children's shoes. Sigh. We've all learned how fickle some friendships are...those we thought would last a lifetime have seemingly faded. Sigh. BUT God has brought other people into our lives that are tremendous blessings and have taught me that some things, even friendships, are seasonal and that I should appreciate them and cultivate them while I have the time. My heart doesn't stay the same either. God keeps working on it chipping away at all my insecurities, failings, and unconfessed and unreleased sin. How thankful I am. This morning I had my heart hurt severely by someone I love and I spent the morning weeping and weeping. I drug myself to our Beth Moore study and God spoke volumes to me during the session. Beth had written this study years ago, but I felt as if today it was just for me. God showed me that time and time again I will be hurt and I will be rejected and time and time again I will hurt and I will reject others and Him. But He will never reject me and He will never hurt me. His love for me will never fail. So I guess I just proved my title wrong....God never changes. He is the same today, yesterday, and forever. Amen!

Tall and a Half!

2009-10-22T09:01:00.003-05:00

I'm stealing the title from our nephew who gave these words as the measurements for his little sister when he was using his new tape measure. It reminded me of my own girl. The other night she curled up in her daddy's lap - well, as much curling as someone her height could do. I didn't think the recliner could handle both of them. It was a precious picture. The years are fleeting. I can remember when we first brought her home from the hospital. I had major complications and so did she during the birthing process and on the day we came home we first had to make a pit stop at the pharmacy for our meds. Johnmark proudly and protectively carried her around in one hand. One hand! She was that little. On that day I don't think either of us expected her to grow up as healthy and tall as she is today. What a blessing! What a miracle! I have a picture of her and her daddy when she was about a week old. He's holding her in the recliner and she's wearing her familiar defiant look even at that age. The same look that was on her face the other night as her daddy held her again, but this time with both hands, both arms and both legs. That's our girl! Little brother hasn't hit his growth spurt just yet, but he is full of tenderness and compassion. He idolizes his father and every writing assignment he is given usually ends up being about his daddy. He wrote the other day that his dad is his number one person to go to for advice especially since his dad is also his pastor and, I quote, "a great man of God". Too precious! Of course, I had to ask where I fell into the scheme of things and I fall in at number two. A slight blow to mom's ego. Dad may be his advisor, but mama is his confidant. Lately, his daddy has felt a little left out because he's discovered that our little man comes to mama to inform her of things of the heart. Score one for mom!!!

BRRR!!! Baby, it's cold outside!

2009-10-16T17:12:00.002-05:00

I shivered through both my classes today because I wasn't dressed appropriately for our first real cold front of the season. I love it! It's been overcast and drizzly and cold all day...my favorite kind of weather. As of a few minutes ago all mid-terms are finished as are my papers. I went by the library earlier for a weekend of filling my head with nonsense and fluff (don't know how much reading I'll get in because of not having my "church" stuff done - bulletin, powerpoint and lessons for my Sunday night kids and the fact that we're going to the peanut pageant in dothan tomorrow). I feel like a burden has fallen off my shoulders even though I'm a little nervous about the grades. We are definitely taking Monday off, unless a tragedy strikes, and going to pick out a painting at Lifeway for the wall over the wood stove and just generally goofing off. This will be special because we're using some of our gift money from pastor appreciation day and this is something we'll always be able to keep and remember. We're also skipping school next Friday to go with the senior adults on a little field trip to Lumpkin, Georgia. WooHoo! No school! This upcoming week should be a little easier...I hope!

Neglect, Neglect, Neglect

2009-10-13T12:58:00.002-05:00

I'm stealing a few moments from my oh-so-crazy week to blog just a little. It has been 2 months since I last posted and there is no way to fill in all the blanks. I've been a blogger adulterer and cheated with Facebook for a while. Now I'm in repentance, asking your forgiveness, and wanting to come back to the blog world. Y'all the pasture is not always greener on the other side. I hate Facebook. It is such a thief of time and is not the outlet that this blog is. It is a cheap thrill and I'm sorry I was tempted. This is so much more fun and just so much more me. Anyway, we're hitting the busy, busy, busy time of year and I'm not quite sure how we are going to manage. School is a pest right now for all of us and unfortunately we are viewing it as a necessary evil. We're in the middle of mid-terms and term papers and I really should be studying and writing papers, but my mind just flat refuses. There are simply not enough hours and days in this week to get all accomplished that is on our "must do" list. Sigh! But I still wouldn't trade my life for any other. I just told somebody on the phone that every Saturday is booked from this weekend until the end of November and then I had to correct that and extend it through December. We get a little bit of a break in a few weekends as Johnmark and I head off to the Florida Baptist Pastor's Conference and the Florida Baptist Convention in Pensacola. Those most wonderful in-laws of mine are coming to take care of the children and John will be filling the pulpit. We're all looking forward to that. Rebeka starts the basketball season mid-November. My parents, sister, and granny will be here for Thanksgiving. I'm so looking forward to spending time with them that isn't rushed and full of other things like our last visits have been. Then it is the hectic Christmas season and finals. But then here's the kicker...two entire weeks of alone time as "us four and no more". Aaaahhh!, Sweet relief! Woo Hooo, the Brown family is on vacation and we havent't been able to say that in a couple years! Hopefully and prayerfully we will come back renewed, reenergized, and ready to get in the trenches and go back to work for the Lord and this loving church that we have been blessed with. (Side note: Sunday the church honored Johnmark and me for Pastor's Appreciation Day. It was humbling and honoring and full of love. They made a banner, gave us gifts, the children sang, kind words were spoken and we were reminded once again of how extremely blessed we are!)

God is good....all the time!

2009-08-16T15:17:00.002-05:00

There's soooooooooo much to catch up on so I'll try to stay very brief or just post blogs more. We have had one of the most amazing summers ever! I told Johnmark the other day that if I lived another 80 years (doubtful) that I would never be able to understand God's goodness or His blessings for someone as undeserving as I am. This past year He has just poured out upon us and I stand in awe and amazed. Yes, His grace is truly amazing! Things are just happening to us and for us that can only be labeled as "God stories" (a term we heard this past week). It's just one of those WOW moments. Many years ago after going through a very difficult time in my life the tears just dried up and after a while it became a little more than weird; it became downright scary. I became a more hardened, critical person. Recently, the tears are back. Not just ones of sorrow or out of frustration or even pain. They are just tears of emotion, feeling, humbleness. Just this morning a dear lady and I were sharing our recent God stories before service and tears sprang up. This time I didn't try to hide them, I just let them flow. (Side note: my pappy was this way for as long as I can remember and someone once told me that after looking into his face and being in his presence was like being with an angel. He loved Jesus that much and got so emotional. He was like the weeping prophet. So maybe there's hope for me yet!). I have been humbled and broken and am rediscovering God's love, mercy, compassion and grace. It is an awesome time! Here's a brief "catch-up": went to the youth evangelism conference in Orlando last week. AWESOME! Tony Nolan, Jeff Hessinger, Building 429...what could be better! Evangelism workshop in Pensacola. Children's outing to Graceville/Dothan. Learning how to "Share Jesus without Fear". Registered for school (and my hubby held my hand all the way & it was good that he did too!). Start school tomorrow. Have 2 classes with said hubby on Fridays - y'all pray! One is on personal evangelism and the other is old testament (plus 3 others I'm doing without him). Did y'all catch the evangelism theme that has cropped up in one week alone? Oh, yeah, God has me under conviction in a big way and He's not being subtle about it in the least. Even had lunch with Johnmark's friend and his wife - missionaries. Go, figure! I can't wait to see what God has in store for us this week!

Home Improvement

2009-07-15T15:32:00.000-05:00

These are the latest updates to the house. Formal living, children's bath, dining, kitchen and the man cave (den). We still have some touching up to do and still need to put the wood burning stove in the living room. We have everything for it except the replacement glass and the mantle Johnmark will build. The yard is coming along.....slowly. Exterior house just needs some sprucing up and a good cleaning and the front porch has to be finished. But we're so excited we've come this far. Y'all are welcome to visit anytime!

Here come the cousins!

2009-07-15T14:57:00.002-05:00

Rebeka's and Aaron's Brown cousins from Fort Green came to visit in early July. They had such a wonderful time and picked right up where they left off. It was as if they had seen each other just the day before and not over 6 months earlier. The girls are beautiful and Hannah kept us in stitches. What a funny girl! Holly is a definite leader, and gorgeous to boot! We all enjoyed a day at the beach, shopping in Dothan, the hotel pool, church, the 4th of July, and Aaron's birthday dinner. After many busy and fun-filled days we all made the trek to Fort Green together. A collage of the "good times" is below and I'll have to mention a couple of the highlights....uncle Johnmark lying on the girls bed threatening to add a little fragrance, which Hannah thought was hysterical; Aaron wearing some of Holly's accessories in order to receive one of her snack cakes; striking poses at the beach; Hannah refusing to budge from the pool steps because it had lots of water, not little water like the beach where she waded quite a ways from shore, so, ok, whatever; and the girls at the church where we serve. The time together was way too short! Maybe one day I'll be able to post pics of my children with their other Brown cousins...which means someone has to give and decide to visit Nashville or the beautiful beaches of the emerald coast.

Super Quick Update for Inquiring Minds

2009-07-15T10:24:00.003-05:00

Didn't realize it's been a month or so since I posted last, so here's a quick review - * have celebrated 2 birthdays recently and so we now have a 14 year old and an 11 year old taking up space under our roof * had fun with Memaw and the Brown Babes (Holly and Hannah - our nieces) while they visited with us for about a week (have got some awesome pics I'll post soon) * took the children to Fort Green and we didn't come back empty handed...Misty came home with us! Hooray! ( and so did some much needed furntiure - thanks, Memaw and Papa!) * celebrated our anniversary last weekend ( a bit early) with an overnight trip to the Prattville/Montgomery area (this was a gift from someone else and so greatly appreciated because it's been a very long while since I've had some quality alone time with that preacher husband of mine). We ate at Longhorn, our tried and true favorite, and did some sight seeing and flea market snooping which was a lot of fun. * the children came home yesterday afternoon and not a moment too soon because I was starting to twitch with withdrawals. Now I'm starting to twitch because they are home and even threatened at one point to try and catch Poppy and MeMe on the interstate to return the children to them. Seriously, I'm really glad they are back where they belong because I was suffering greatly from seperation anxiety. * walked into Johnmark's office this morning to find a wonderful anniversary gift from an amazing couple in the congregation. As we visited at their home the other day I admired their new in-wall, fold-down ironing center. Well, guess what? I now have one! The gift itself is great. For our anniversary to be recognized is even better! And the fact that they took notice of something I had said is the best! (because as you all may recall from other posts I'm not finding my new role easy and that mean girls still exist which Beka has even picked up on and wonders if some of them realize that we all left middle school eons ago, so when someone tells you that you matter with a simple card, which I also got from another church member recently, or spoken words, or a gift from the heart, or genuine friendliness, or genuine care and concern, it brings a lasting smile to my face and my heart and it makes all the other stuff seem like what it really is - petty and useless.) * our home is now at the 95% complete stage on the inside and I took some pics this morning to post soon, so y'all surprise us and drop in soon! * Beka made a visit to my old haunt while she was in Wauchula recently (something I hope to do in November because I am really missing it believe it or not!). So here's my message for that: Nancy - girl, I miss you lots. Ralph - You didn't tell me it got this dern hot up here! Gee, thanks! And, I was a much better person in looks and personality before I spent all those years under your influence! * Ann - let me know when you'll be back this way with Carl, maybe we can get together! I need an old friend to "dish" with! :) (and I'm still so jealous that your church will be hosting Fernando Ortega next month!) Future plans: we've got VBS in 2 weeks, an anniversary this weekend, and a birthday next week, school stuff for all 4 of us, a youth trip in early August, then hunting season & all the usual every day stuff. We're thinking about heading south for Thanksgiving, maybe, & plan on visiting with some of y'all that we haven't seen in a year or more. Stay tuned for pics and more.....

Triple Digits & Digital TV

2009-06-17T11:18:00.004-05:00

Yep! That's been our weather for the last couple days as we have reached 100 and a little above with a heat index around 110. Here's the good news....we've been loaned a huge window unit that cools the main part of the house just not the laundry and still unfinished den. We've had to break down and by a new unit for the house, but think we should be getting a pretty decent deal on it. We were really hoping not to, but our resident Mr. Fix-It has done all he can do(this man is a blessing! He's been working on our old unit for FREE for over a month now and is ordering our new one for us and he's the one who loaned us the window unit.) I've been using my new clothes line that I got for Mother's Day (now wasn't that a thoughtful gift-sarcasm intended) and the clothes are drying in record time, but hey, we're not having to turn on the dryer! Things took a slight turn for the worse with the digital switch on Friday. We went from having 3 channels to nothing even with the converter box. So Johnmark went to Radio Shack to buy a booster and we're getting quite a few channels now if we can only hang on to them. If it ain't one thing, trust me, it's another! Rebeka will be 14 on Sunday and Aaron leaves for camp on Monday. Can a big sister get a better gift than that? So with birthdays, camp, a/c, and tv we are now officially broke! (not to add upcoming eye and dental bills. Groan!) But like every other challenge or obstacle we've ever encountered God has provided and supplied and we are thankful.

Easy Living

2009-06-12T18:10:00.001-05:00

These are 10 things I am appreciating immensely right now: 1.) Cold showers on extremely hot days especially when you don't have AC! 2.) Yard Work...hard to believe, I know. There's just such a sense of accomplishment. (Carol, I finally planted the roses and we have really enjoyed them). 3.) Watching my Aaron grow into a young man. It's just the little things. We spent the day together doing house and yard work yesterday, just me and him. He was such a big help and so concerned about me as the day grew hotter. We took turns standing in the freezer at one point. In the afternoon, I decided I needed a break, he must have thought so, too, because he went and fixed me not one, but two sno cones. Also, one night I needed a jar opened and sent him to take it to dear old dad. What did we need dad for? My little man just twisted it right off. At one point this week I sent him to the tahoe to get something for me. Keep in mind that it was about 10 at night and neither children like to go outside after dark by themselves and who can blame them with all the woods around us. So I offered to stand on the porch for him. What did I need to do that for, he wanted to know. "Mom, I'll be just fine, I can go by myself" was the way the conversation ended. 4.) Not seeing any snakes in about 2 weeks. For a while there it seemed that everywhere I turned there was a coppperhead or rattlesnake or some other equally vile creature. I couldn't walk without running into things because I was too busy watching the ground. Now, here's my next dilemna. Our dryer vent keeps clogging up and Johnmark cleaned it out about a month ago. Last night he informed me that he took the screen off to the outside vent to see if that would help. Great! Just open the door and let them slither in why don't you! I think the screen is going back on and he'll just have to clean it out once a month. His worst fear is a house fire...mine is snakes! 5.) People who care and understand because they've been there. This is not a whine session, but unless you've been in the ministry you just don't understand how hard it can be sometimes spiritually, physically, emotionally and monetarily. Thankfully we have a friend who does and understands the impact it can have on the wife and children. Recently this person acknowleged this and gave the children and me a little "summer fun" money. For me, I purchased living room curtains and a fan for the kitchen ( I ought to be a size 2 from all the sweat I've poured out in there!). They bought a slip and slide (no they haven't outgrown them) a shaved ice machine and an ice cream maker. We also ate out a time or two. It was so nice for someone to notice the pastor's family for a change and not just the pastor (sorry, Johnmark) and for our trials and struggles to be understood. 6.) Other unexpected gifts and surprises. A few months ago I came home one day to find a large utility truck in the yard and was a little startled. A church member, who has a heart as big as that utility truck, was there installing a yard light for me and the children so we weren't stumbling around in the yard when we came home after dark. He was just as surprised to see me as I was him. He wanted to do this generous act anonymously, but got caught. Johnmark was finally able to wire it into the house last night(only about 5 months later) so now we can see the snakes just before we step on them! This kind man and his wife also keep us supplied in eggs and if you have priced them at the store this is a huge savings for us! 7.) More generous people. With only a 1/2 acre and no means of leasing a pasture or boarding her we've been in a fix about what to do for Beka's horse who has been sadly neglected by us for over a year. A pastor family down the road was having the same problem...not enough pasture for their children's horses. Our elderly neighbor through the woods has empty pasture available and has agreed to allow us to put all of our horses there. Misty and Bek united at last!! 8.) The Choctawhatchee Chariot. With rising gas prices we won't be running to town daily and we have all enjoyed the public library in town. What were we going to do for the summer? Oh, my! Not to fear...the Walton County bookmobile is here! Yep, it comes to our extremely rural neighborhood on Mondays. So we're saved and reading, my favorite, will go on! 9.) My friends both near and far, especially the ones that are far. I honestly don't know how I could survive sometimes without being able to vent to y'all or being included in your lives even from a distance. I have discovered two classes of "friends" recently...those who act like a friend just because of who your husband is (otherwise they'd never give you the time of day) and those who act like a friend only when that husband is around, otherwise you're nobody and not to be included because you know, he's their pastor first and your husband second, and you are just something to be tolerated(and barely at that). Sigh. Sometimes it makes me mad, sometimes it makes me cry, but sometimes, like right now, it just really makes me laugh because of the silliness and pettiness of it. It's one of those old Herald-Advocate moments of "You've got to be kidding me?!" because aren't we all in this together, are you really that threatened by me? Here's my last comment on that...he was mine before we got here and he will be mine long after we leave here and you can take that one to the bank! and, on a much happier note... 10.) Craftiness! (not catiness) Michael's is a very, very bad place for both Rebeka and I to go into together. I have finally wised up and only carry very small amounts of cash in - like less than $20. We could go broke in about 5 minutes there. But, it's the best place to go for gift ideas and one of the cheapest, too! Below are pictures of a birthday gift she's giving to a friend tonight for less than $10 total - a picture frame where she can capture their bowling trip tomorrow and an initial in her favorite colors to hang on the wall. They turned out so cute, I just had to share.